hibye

2010-01-15T12:23:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Robbie Williams - You Know Me.

Thanks for this very nice song Tric. (:

Just an update post here.

I'm trying to get the hang of Tumblr, thinking of shifting my thoughts over there instead.
Here's the new site.

Also, here's the confusing part, I created another tumblr page to serve as my "portfolio"-of-sorts.
Motionless In Time.

I might stay on with blogger though, leaving the Tumblr sites for my portfolio and more random/deep thoughts or when I find nice things to put up or repost. After all, Blogger has served me so well through the years.

Alright, time for me to head off for work, it's about time.

Somebody like you can really make things all right for me.
- Requiem for a Dream.

2010-01-10T15:25:00.005+08:00

Trackspin: Meaghan Smith - Here Comes Your Man.

Really cute song from (500)Days Of Summer. (:

Welcome home Carol! You've been missed much by us Udders! Dinner sometime this week or next if possible!

Okay, so people remarked that my braces are the colour of Ikea. Nice. Reminds me, meatballs & daim cake! :D I WANT!

It's not too great a day, considering it's 3.27pm and I haven't started practising for the jamming later. It's just that I don't feel the urge to do so. Sigh. I need more motivation, and not from people like these, otherwise bass-playing is going straight down the drain for me.

The past couple of days have been really great, spending time with friends that matter, Cedric, Val, Tricia, Matty, and Carol joined us for lunch yesterday after basketball. And the best friend is missing in action. BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND CLUBBING RIGHT, MR DARREN GOH! Hahaha. You better make time for the Udders or Carol just might rip your head off since she's back, hahaha. (:

Still feeling a lack of motivation to shoot more pictures but I figure something good happened on Friday while we sent Eugene off. Found a nice reflection to take a picture of Cedric from Val's Macbook. Guess it's just the way light fell from the skylight and how we were seated. Like the shot though.

Alright, time for me to stop being lazy and go put in some practise.

"Love is being stupid together." Wonder how true this line is. I think it's more accurate to be "Love is being able to be stupid together." (:

2010-01-04T20:28:00.019+08:00

Trackspin: Train – Hey Soul Sister.

Changed my module colours today, as well as tightened the wire. Now it's starting to hurt and annoy me again. The things I have to put up with. At least I'm happy with how the colours turned out. HAHA. (:

Took a short afternoon nap, then decided against round2. Spent the time looking through my E61 and read through my messages. I realised that I've kept messages from both birthdays spent in NS, and other important messages too. Reading through my inbox has left me a little nostalgic and I wish to thank all of you for having been there for me through the ups and downs as friends. (: And to especially important people like the Udders and Tric, thanks a million for keeping me sane in my crazy world at times. Love you all too much too begin to comprehend how life would be without you all.

Christmas is quickly coming to an end. It's passed so quickly this year, just coming and going, taking along with it any hope that I'd feel any form of joy at the festivities. It's just so weird because I never thought that Christmas and the new year could have just slipped right by me like this. However, I guess somehow, I got lost in translation and missed everything that happened lately. Too much of having my head up in the clouds maybe, but perhaps more truthfully is the fact that I've been so caught up with work during December. I never did have much time to myself in December, not being able to organise basketball, nor keep to the idea of getting on the Singapore Flyer, which has been long overdue for me. While it has been fun borrowing Mike's 5D and lenses, it has left me a little jaded with my own equipment. But I just gotta make do for now. Everything in it's time.

I'm feeling quite at a loss lately. I don't feel the urge to snap a lot, not after the disastrous 2nd photographer wedding shots I came up with. I don't know, maybe it's just that my self-confidence has taken a severe hit. Same thing has happened with singing. Maybe it's because there is a severe lack of bassists around but I figured I miss singing so much that I wouldn't mind not playing bass just to get to sing a song or two. I've just realised that because of things like these, I haven't taken my camera out on certain occasions that I should have the past week. Also, I haven't touched my bass for the longest time, since Confirmation Camp. I'm actually contemplating asking the kids to just cancel the jam session and do my own one with people I'd rather be playing with. I'm sorry but it's just that I don't feel motivated to play at all, due to a multitude of reasons. One of them being that I feel like I'm not an adequate-enough bassist. Maybe I need time to get myself out of this rut. Cedric wants to play for the January session so that's going to him already, I'm just going to hang around and see what needs help with. Nothing new there I guess.

Today has been bugging me with an issue. I figure that maybe you're angry at me for spilling out some stuff despite me being the one who said what's done is done and kept to that night, but I think the point is that we all care enough that amongst the group of us, I'd like to keep things open and not hide behind any facade. I don't know, maybe I can't deal with the fact that two people I trust my life with are dealing with issues like that and yet, I can't do anything to help make things better, even though I know I'm not in any position to do so in the first place. I guess I'll just sit this out and keep myself occupied with other things. You never know how much someone cares until you sacrifice that person's concern. I guess we never know what we have until we give it away.

I've been told the past day or two that I'm full of nonsense. I suppose that I am, and sometimes, hide behind this facade, trying to tell myself to take a look at the lighter side of things, in spite of problems and all. I truly hope that I don't seem like a fool to people who see me as trying to run away from my problems. I guess there's always more to life and we can take things light-heartedly to ease the pain and sufferings we bear daily. Sure, there are times to be serious and responsible, but the rest of the time, I hope I can choose to be more optimistic and look past my personal troubles. Hope that things work better that way, haha.

I really have this urge to play basketball on weekdays now too, simply because I can, and I haven't managed to get in much playtime in December. Making up for lost time?

Okay, enough of this random babbling, it's 9pm and I've yet to eat my dinner due to this post. Time to head down and think of what to eat. And honestly, thanks for those times you make me degenerate into a little kid. You know what I mean, haha. (:

2010-01-03T11:35:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: Uncle Kracker - Smile.

This song has actually been stuck in my head for a little bit, since something funny occurred days ago, haha. Cute song.

It's been such a tiring past few days, staying up late, not sleeping, lacking meals. It really showed yesterday when I had another hit of gastric while working. I should really stop this unhealthy habit of inconsistent meals. And maybe granola bars or chocolate bars will help with work, instead of starving myself until after work ends. Hmm, got pretty bad yesterday coz my vision swam when I stood up after sitting down for a minute or two. Figured it's the lack of sleep, lack of food and the usual LBP at play again. Falling sick too I think, considering I feel a bit of a cold coming about, whatwith sweating in a cold environment and all.

Ate donuts from JCo and yes, they have the little pieces like munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts. Great stuff, though each box has 24 pieces. Bought 2 boxes home for myself, WAHAHAHAH! Loving it!

I think I'm relegated to keeping myself sober and awake from now on. I cannot begin to fathom being wasted the past couple of nights as well. Maybe it's the fact that I feel some sense of responsibility with being the older one around, but still.. Hmm, I honestly wish things didn't turn out how they did but what's done is done, let's move on from it, dealing with the repercussions when they arise. At the same time, I guess it was a good learning lesson, for each of us.

Alright, gonna head out to meet for lunch and look around for a new ipod. My mini died on me! So apparently I'm stuck with using my Blackberry for my audio needs. Time to look for something with at least 16GB, because I didn't have to keep re-syncing my ipod touch the last time around, with 16GB of songs and videos in it. Maybe a 32GB would be nice. HAHA.

OH, YOU MAKE ME SMILE! (:

2009-12-29T15:14:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Sara Bareilles - One Sweet Love.

The weekend has disappeared once more! Working at Daniel and Mindy's wedding has been really tiring and taught me that I've a long long way to go before my photos are of any standard. And that I have to start working out again already. Anybody for regular workouts, be it gym or running?

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a while. Woke up early for breakfast then stayed home to laze about in the rain while I got my photo selections done, then went out in the evening for dinner with Matty, Cedric and Addison, followed by LAN with them. Managed to finish maps 3, 4 and 5 for L4D2, but wound up with a splitting headache from Swamp Fever due to the graphics. We need to find places with better coms, there was still lag from the DEagle shot I feel. Had a short drink/supper/chat with Ced and Val at KimSanLeng before taking Circle Line back. Realised that the Circle Line goes past midnight, which means I can stay out at Bishan till about 1215am nowadays and still get home without cabbing. Sweeet.

Okay, time to go wash up and head over to Darren's to borrow the 50mm F1.4 and then down to Mike's place to deliver the photos, then out back to AMK to meet the twin and Nat to get Nat's DSLR. Wonder what she's getting. Hmmm..

Hope you people are enjoying your lives and making the best of each day, because I know I'm not making the best out of my days, HAHA.

2009-12-23T13:39:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Journey - Don't Stop Believin'.

Been stuck on listening to Journey since I bought their CD. HAHA. Thanks for the Glee version of the song which rocked too!

Hmm, it's a slow day, though I need to head out to buy my shoes as well as get some presents. Hopefully I can get everything done in record time, HAHA.

Work this week has been really tiring, making me unable to remember what day of the week it is, due to the long working hours. However, yesterday was really the greatest. Ade and Dom are the cutest couple I've met thus far in my line of work and they're so different and yet, I suppose that's what makes them really interesting. She's so cheerful, carefree and outspoken, even with people she's recently met, whereas he's so quiet and reserved, only opening up a little bit more when in the company of his closest buddies. I really enjoyed covering their ROM last Saturday and their wedding yesterday. Honestly wish them all the best and I hope I'll meet them again someday.

Curiously, a whole lot of music played by couples on their wedding days remind me of you, making me miss you more. (:

Managed to find quite a bit of time to spend with people like Val and Cedric, even if it's just a simple lunch all the way at AH. Really enjoy the company and talks. Eugene's back from London too, managed to get in a round of L4D2 with Ced, BigBen and Eug on Monday. Great stuff. Now I really want to pull an all-nighter out playing. Addicted to gaming once more? Maybe. I really want to give ModernWarfare2 a go too. Pity I haven't installed Windows on my Mac, nor do I have a desktop at home. Time to build one up from scratch maybe? Hmm..

Using Mike's equipment has left me wanting so much more out of my camera. But sadly, it's unable to produce. I guess I should just make full use of it until I'm able to finance the 5DmII or something. Also, Mike's getting me addicted to primes. Absolutely love the 85 F1.2, 35 F1.4 and the 100 F2.8. The 16-35 F2.8 is a bonus, along with the 70-200 F2.8 IS. Sigh. But I guess it's good to just get used to moving about to get the shots you want. I feel I've learnt a lot from Mike lately, with him teaching me and stuff. Hopefully I don't disappoint him as second photographer on the 26th and 27th. Hmm, still find my shots rather lackluster though. Pffft.

Okay, time for me to head out of the house soon, gotta go get my shoes and check for my pay! Then its off to get more shopping done!

Christmas seems to always be the season of love. Love Actually anyone? Or is it all just a fairytale?

2009-12-14T16:50:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Marie Digby - Spell.

Been a long weekend of work for me, which seemed to pass so quickly somehow because I didn't get to meet up with the usual people who matter to me. On the brighter side, work went well, started taking shots as well during the weddings, under the guidance of Mike. It's just been a great weekend at work though I sorely and dearly miss my friends and this month isn't going to be easy because I'm packed up with work every weekend of December.

Weirdly, here's the slight bit of ranting now. I'm very sure that you do not want me to be a part of your life at all, not even as a friend. Guess I should stop trying to be nice and be friends when you've let things degrade beyond a point where we aren't even acquaintances anymore. Just as well I guess, considering all that's been said and done. Here's goodbye to you, and I wish you well.

Back to the post! I need more sleep, been getting very little lately, due to extremely late nights, resulting in major headaches and bad dreams. So much in my head that needs to be put into a little box and thrown into the ocean. I guess work helps take some stress away, seeing everyone around being happy and smiley.

Nana's back, so I suppose we all need to start on that food hunt some time soon.

Interestingly, I saw Wei Liang yesterday on the bus home during my break. Was a really short catch-up considering he stayed on the bus for only 2 stops. But the catching up was good, to me at least. He's really matured now, compared to before. Guess everybody does at some point in life and I hope he's happy with his life the way it is now and that we'll meet up again some day soon, with Bryandt and the others too.

Christmas is coming but I'm honestly not too in the mood for it? I guess it's just that I'm flooded with work and haven't exactly been thinking of the festive season. Next up after Christmas is Matthew's wedding. Wondering if I should rent the equipment to shoot it for him myself. I guess I could, for sure. But yeah, I'll consider it first I guess. Mike made a whole lot of sense.

Back to Christmas! Caroling has been rather bad, in my humblest opinion. I'm just really upset at the whole deal right now and I'm not going back down for the practices or for the actual thing if possible, if only for the company of friends who have asked me to go. It's just absurd when you try to help people and they just ignore all that's been said, no? How about helping them with every aspect that you think can be helped with and improved on for something but blatantly being ignored in your face about it? I guess sometimes, patience is a virtue. But times like these, enough is enough.

Basketball this Wednesday, hopefully all goes well. Last thing I need to do is get injured, seeing that this month is so busy. Alright, time for me to head out of the house after getting my stuff ready.

"Have patience with all things, but most importantly, with yourself."

2009-12-10T00:25:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: OneRepublic - Prodigal.

Went to Mike's place to learn more about Lightroom and Photoshop today, for doing edits. Was pretty impressed by the ease with which he edited the images. Interesting. Guess here's where I start editing some images here and there too. Went out to some print and frame place. Really nice people in the industry and all. Also had a pretty good talk with him on the way back. Guess I'm really lucky to have a boss I can talk to so easily and without many barriers.

Somehow, I feel like some friends I have aren't really friends at all? They can stick close and whatnot at times but at the end of the day, maybe it's just not worth it being their friend, or vice versa? It seems like such an act at times, to me. And honestly, I hate how we aren't as close as we were back in school. Somehow, something's changed. Maybe the whole fiasco from our final year changed the friendship we had. But I never regretted it, saying what I did because at the end of the day, we all know the truth. One of clique didn't do jackshit, relied on the rest of us for a good grade, and yet dared to say that we wrongfully accused the said person. And I thought despite one of us being a neutral party, I thought the other had my back, which was the case at first. But things have changed so much and it doesn't exactly feel like we're friends anymore. I guess at the end of the day, girls are more important. I don't know if our friendship ever meant anything to you, if it was just a phase where you started hanging out with them again after all that happened after we left school. Maybe it was just the lack of catching up and all, but honestly, it feels like we dropped all pretences at being friends and went back to being acquaintances. It's just weird. And I'm just the excluded party now, not that I honestly mind. I suppose I'm just being a little nostalgic about older days. But I won't keep harping on the past, nor live in it. I hope the future holds better things for us all.

A lot of people are getting into photography nowadays. I guess it's due to a large number of factors. I honestly want to improve on my shots and get into the habit of composing better. Wonder if using a manual prime will somewhat "force" me to work on the little things like that. I sure hope so, in view of the things to come. And I'm still wondering if I should take up the 2nd photographer job for wedding after Christmas. Don't know if I'm ready to handle that burden yet, but I guess it'll be good exposure and also it'll teach me more? Anybody with any opinions? Okay, I don't even know who reads this anymore.

Short to say, I'm enjoying my life for now, planning ahead and hoping and praying about the future. Only two paths I foresee myself walking down from here on. I really hope to stay on with the people I'm working for now though. Guess I just enjoy my job a whole lot and I find the company of my bosses an interesting twist, similar to some of my close friends too. Hard to explain it I guess.

Alright, I'm off to read my book again and maybe doze off in bed once more.

And you know, with regards to your email, even if I didn't want to think about you, I had to change buses at your place, coming home from my boss's house. HAHA. (:

2009-12-04T13:19:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jamiroquai - Runaway.

Back to this for today simply because I miss playing bass. And that fat P-bass sound is still in my head. Ugh.

Cycling around last night on Justin's bike made me miss cycling a whole lot. We'll see what happens.

As of today, I've come to realise that quite a good number of people have handphones for no reason at all. It's not that difficult to reply a simple SMS right? If that's the wet weather plan, not replying, then it's pointless for me to go down for orientation simply because I'm stuck at home in the rain, without knowing where to meet, what to do next. Congrats on this.

I figure it's all because of the bad weather that my mood is pretty foul right now too. That plus Spurs lost to Celtics this morning. It had bloody better not rain tomorrow morning. I'm not attending YC orientation, despite people asking me to. I find it pointless for me to do so as well. Especially with people taking things into their own hands and telling me that they want me to "sacrifice" my entire day when I could jolly well be working or doing something more productive. And for what? To make use of me, literally. Sometimes, people just graduate from selfish to downright assholes when it comes to stuff like that. And to make it worse, it was made to seem like I owe you a favour such that I'd drop anything and everything just to do that for you. Maybe it's just me, finding all these a little tiresome now. I don't mind being asked, but put it nicely and ask nicely. Don't expect to always have things your way, damn it. Annoying.

Okay, still no reply though it's already 1.27pm and my SMS was sent out at 12.34pm. Worst case scenario, I'll just find something else to do for the day. Apathy at work.

Guess I'm looking forward to Sunday's work, can't wait to crap with Michael again, though I think I'll suffer with his bag, haha. Hopefully can get him to teach me to fully utilize LR.

Alright, enough ranting for the day, I'm off to read my book and get ready everything for nothing.

2009-12-02T22:51:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: Bread - Make It With You.

Okay, I managed to catch a shot of the moon tonight, with it being so big and round. Here you go, cropped pictures!

I know, I know, it's not sharp also. No tripod means no choice though.

Been trying to enjoy myself the past couple of days. Working this Sunday again, not sure with whom yet though. Don't I just love my job? Haha. Mike said it's going to be a busy month ahead. Looking at their schedule next year, I'm better off looking for another job starting in Jan. Sigh.

Thanks a million for the time today and the chat over dinner haha. Guess sometimes we're stuck in situations where we cannot influence any major changes in the scene but only pray about it and continue with doing our small parts, to keep everything running as smoothly as possible. Talks with you put things in perspective for me at times, so thanks. (:

Alright, it's time to read my book and head to bed I suppose. The utter lack of plans for tomorrow is killing my head. Bleagh.

2009-11-29T00:04:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Lauren Wood - Fallen.

Okay, back to loving this song, courtesy of someone. -insert huge grin here- Rarity for multiple posts from me within a day.

First and foremost, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Dinner caused me to break off one of my brackets from my teeth! SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE SHIT?! UGH. It has to be a Saturday too, the dental clinic is only gonna be open on Monday! That means being VERY VERY CAREFUL with my food and all tomorrow. ARGH! Utterly irritating.

Okay, just a major rant from me because I still cannot believe dinner was so good, yet caused my bracket to break off my teeth. HUR. Stupid Seb. Okay, back to bass-ics. Heh.

2009-11-28T17:30:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Peabo Bryson & Roberta Flack - Tonight I Celebrate My Love.

Being Sappy Sebby once more, with a whole load of "oldies but goodies" love songs. I think Boomy would laugh at me if he knew I was in this stage once more. HAHA.

Surprisingly, it's been such a bad day somewhat? Basketball was really heartening because there was a really large number of us for once and it makes organising basketball all that more worthwhile to me, that there are people who would want to come down and play ball, as well as enjoying themselves along the way.

Really need to realise that I need to eat breakfast in the mornings before basketball. Really suffered the effects today and I got quite a scare because I actually had chest pains in the middle of a match when it was actually a pretty okay/slower-paced game. Got quite worried about running and decided to slow the day down, which made it a whole lot crappier because I felt like a disabled person somehow, being lazy and all. Trash man.

Ah well, as such, I think it's time I get back into a fitness regime somehow, start running and get back into shape, slowly perhaps. Need to NOT feel my age. And I'm still quite amazed that the bunch of us managed to finish off that game rather easily, though I didn't help much at all today, just finding open people. Not everybody has to score to be effective and I hope I'm doing the right thing at the right time. Disappointing shooting day though, through and through. Consistency has left the building.

I feel so short nowadays. BigBen and Matthew are the reasons behind it. And I abhor my lack of height. If not for me being 171-174cm, I should be able to be doing more. And if only I didn't wind up with a somewhat-crippling ankle injury previously. Hur. As said, time for a training program I guess. I really want to try to do all these before I hit 25. Before all bodily functions start slowing down for good maybe. HAHA. I guess that means trying to eat healthier and not go binge drinking and all. I suppose discipline is the factor. And maybe I still have it in me to just force myself to keep to some form of a program haha.

Alright, still listening to more love songs at the moment. Just a whole new bunch of songs that I'm enjoying. Sappy Sebby, signing off here. It's time to get ready to head out to church.

Another nice song, go listen to Natalie Cole - Miss You Like Crazy!

2009-11-28T08:21:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: The Pretenders - I'll Stand By You.

I've come to realise that there are some things I cannot stand lately. I suppose it's good that I know what I cannot stand, so I can improve on it, right?

I cannot believe you did that. I honestly thought you were more than that. And by doing what you did, you've just proved what a poor character you are, and just how selfish you are, always wanting things your way, being blatantly manipulative to achieve your goals, without thinking about how others would feel. I'm sorely disappointed at all that has transpired and in all honesty, I wish I won't have to work with you ever again, though I doubt that is a possibility at this moment.

Sigh.

I'm happy for those that stepped up, honestly. Was contemplating to, but not this year. Other commitments take priority, and I'm in too much of a mess to do my best for the group like before. I have a lot of time, yes, but this year will be spent trying to tie down some ends to my life here and I guess I just don't want to mess up and mix my priorities. As much as there is a want to serve, I guess it just isn't time now.

Cheers to CYF Coreteam 2010, here's wishing you all the best!

Alright, I'd best be on my way to pack and change, so I won't be late picking someone up haha. It's a good morning! Hopefully you all feel the same.

2009-11-24T01:14:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Abba - Honey Honey.

Alright, finally in a wee bit of mood to post an update. Confirmation yesterday for the '94 kids was okay I suppose? Didn't get to take as many pictures as I would've liked due to a multitude of reasons, including me being a tad lethargic and lazy to move about. Followed by a really overdue lunch at Subway before heading to Ryan's place with Sharmaine and Chris to do a little bit of Wii boxing and other games. HAHA. Realized my typical way of KO-ing Ryan in Wii Boxing : 1-2 combo of a left jab to the body, followed by a straight right to the face. The facial shot always was the knock-down hit and we realized that it's always the same set move that knocks him down and out, HAHA.

Went over to Clarke Quay with Addison and Matty to get some desserts at Nectarie, as well as splitting an entire bucket of beers between the three of us. Had a really good time just talking and crapping about the near future with Addison heading to Aussie next year.

Today was spent just staying home to wait for the Singnet/Singtel guy to come over and set-up the Mio TV stuff and the new modem. Well, seems like everything's working properly right now. Hopefully it stays this way. Went out with Addison and Matty to Turf City for crabs and fish, then down to Dempsey's Ben&Jerry's where we had another bucket of beer, making this the third consecutive night of beer for me. Darren is telling me that a beer belly's coming HAHA. I think so too, sadly. Time for a workout! Hopefully basketball on Saturday will be good. Maybe the younger ones can bring some life to ball. And the new members of CYF can as well. HAH.

Tomorrow's caroling practice. I think I should go down, but I feel like I'm distanced at the moment from things going on in CYF. the weekend hasn't proven me otherwise. Right now, I'm just being asked to do this and that for their benefit, only when they need me to. And it's frustrating because all these things are being asked at the last possible moment. I don't know, maybe I should just ease up and go with an open mind. I think I shall. And try to let the mind stay open as much as possible, without thinking of anything negative.

Alright, I think I should head to bed, my eyes are hurting a little and I'm still aching a little bit. No idea why but I've been aching the entire day already. Hope the week goes well for all of you readers!

The invisible girl of my dreams lately.

2009-11-22T11:59:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: The Killers - Smile Like You Mean It.

Ugh, just woke up about an hour ago and my nose is still dripping somewhat. Joho thinks its that stupid lady in the car with us yesterday for the wedding. Damn it. This is utterly irritating, falling sick after a long day at work. Let's just say though yesterday was fun, it wasn't a great wedding.

Just updated my Picture Styles in my cam and mac, hopefully I'll get to play around with them soon. Heh. If only the cam could have more than 3 presets. I've 7 different new ones!

Having a major headache, gotta head to Darren's place in a bit to pick up the 50mm before I head for lunch and down to church. Will update more tonight I hope. If I'm really in the mood to, coz the weekend just kind of got burnt. And today is Sunday but I'm feeling way too tired to do anything. SHAT.

Laters dude & dudettes.

2009-11-16T10:47:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: MIka - Blame It On The Girls.

So I'm back from camp and done with a not-nearly-long-enough-stint of sleeping in. I'm still having a blasted headache right now from everything.

Honestly, there isn't much point in me talking about concamp. It just wasn't normal, nor smooth-flowing as it could have been. So many last minute problems, messing up of schedules and last minute changes. But yeah, I guess, the main thing is that I hope the kids enjoyed themselves at camp and learnt more about their faith, looking at how they're about to be confirmed this coming Sunday.

The best part of camp to me, personally, was ED's debrief on the second night. I think I really got to see a different side of things and observe how everybody works when under some form of stress or another. And honestly, I think we managed to deal with it in a positive manner, despite how we each felt at some point. It also brought me to see how much each of us has contributed to the camp. I honestly don't see my time planning stuff as being wasted, in lieu of how things went after all, but I guess we all learnt our lessons, and more so in a positive manner. I guess I shall just be content with that for camp. Hopefully we grow with each new experience and learn to deal with things better, with understanding.

I'm praying fervently that the weather holds up today. Don't let it rain on me. I just want to de-stress after the weekend, which helped nothing for me, possibly. The company should be good.

Thanks for being my positive outlook on life the past year and a half. (:

2009-11-12T00:27:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jesse McCartney feat T-Pain - Body Language.

I'm just feeling damn stressed and tired of it all. After a day of wrecking my brains and getting things done and organised to put together a session, and it all boils down to this. I don't know. It's like I don't know where this is going already. It's all in such a mess, though I thought it was already a confirmed thing. With how things are going to change, which I'm sure they will, I don't even think it'll wind up how I want it to go in the first place, nor what I had in mind at all, or near that, in the first place. I don't know why, it's just this gut feeling inside.

Not looking forward to later on at all, since it's past midnight already. Dental in the morning and yet, I'm still awake and online, having a major headache. Shall have to pack for camp tomorrow as well, clothes-wise, plus get whatever else like my strap and all for camp. Have to settle logistics with Uncle John also, because I didn't see him today. Seriously, this is officially the lowest and lousiest I'm feeling this entire past week or two. I don't know why, it's just seriously pulling me down. It's two freaking days to camp! WHY AM I FEELING THIS WAY?!

I honestly feel like screaming now. It's close to 1am however. It's getting later and later, and I'm still awake, not practising bass, just stoning online looking at MSN and blogging here in the meantime. Even listening to the playlist on iTunes isn't helping much. Neither is looking at my photos.

Okay, disgruntled is the word to use right now. I'm not pissed off, I'm not angry, I'm not anything else. Just thoroughly disgruntled at the situation now. This just changed completely. I just wish I knew WHY I FEEL SO ANNOYED with this small thing. It's supposed to be a small thing to me. But it's so much worse than leadership year. This is not being lectured by "someone-who-thinks-he-knows-best" when we put a contingency plan into action when things went wrong. This, to me, is way worse than that. Pfft.

That does it, enough from me for now. I'm heading to bed, regardless. I'm not going to do it tomorrow. I can't. Pfft. UGH.

2009-11-06T17:45:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Jamiroquai - Runaway.

Got stuck on the Live from Abbey Road version of this last night once more, thanks to Talkbass. Bad thing is, it's making me GAS for a good P bass strung with flatwounds. HAHA. And this is how a good P-bass should sound! Fat and punchy!

And I've transitioned back to roundwounds thanks to the Bone. Strung it with a set of Sadowsky Blue Label Nickel 5 Lights yesterday. And I came home at night to meddle with the fretless, and wound up stringing it up with an older set of stainless steel roundwounds also, giving off this amazing mwah that wasn't that prominent with the flats on it previously. Shall leave it on the fretless for now.

Yesterday was a little screwed up. We had to go down to a studio instead due to a mix-up in the rooms again. Not the first time, neither will it be the last. Oh well. Anyway, was really great practising with Ray, Boom, Gil and Val. I don't know, I suppose I'm more in touch with the older people in ED and not as much towards the younger ones. It's just easier to connect to those I've been playing with for a significant amount of time. Also, loved how the Bone sounded in the mix, though I think proper EQ-ing would solve a lot of issues for me, with regards to how I sit in the mix. Time to experiment more!

I really need to start getting more consistent on bass. I haven't been playing for quite a little bit and I'm losing inspiration and motivation to play actually. Due to some issues, of course. It's like, sometimes, I can be so happy and carefree while playing bass, but other times, its actually killing me just to pick up the bass and play. I guess it's just dependent on the songs. Mood swings in accordance to song choices? HAHA. I just can't wait for Sunday to be over and done with, it's such a busy day.

The stress is not building up too much anymore. But irritation is. Irritation that I'm being treated like an idiot who doesn't know what to do, even though I'm in charge of things. Stupid questions aren't they? Sheesh. Times like these, I just wish I could stop you messing up my life every year or two. It's just getting me pissed off to the point where I really hate how things work and yet, I'm amazed at how things can actually work like that in the first place. God has His ways I suppose.

Okay, not a long post here, I'm starving and I think I should start getting ready to head for dinner followed by session.

Hoping tomorrow will be a great day, especially coz it's the start of the weekend and I know my Sunday isn't going to be anywhere near wonderful. Cheers you all!

2009-11-04T14:21:00.006+08:00

Trackspin: Mr Big - To Be With You.

Trying to type with a different font size now. Haha.

Well, recce for the campsite was screwed up yesterday at 530pm so I've utterly no idea when I can make it for recce next. However, the day went well after all I suppose. Managed to do what I wanted to, and the only bummer to the day was that I wasted the earlier portions of the day doing nothing, just waiting for the recce initially.

Today's another lazy day, woke up to find it raining, ruining my thoughts of going out to take photos again. I think the weather's pretty messed up lately, but ah well, just gotta deal with it. Not too much I can do.

Hopefully Andre can buy over my lens soon, I want a change-over. Either a good prime, or I'll go for a manual lens for the fun of it. Zeiss/Leitz Elmarit anybody? HAHA. I'm somehow really interested in how good the colour saturations and all can turn out. Only thing is I gotta get used to composing shots with it and I can't change the focusing screen on the 500D for something to aid manual focusing. UGH.

I don't know, been feeling quite stressed up about camp lately, it's only a week more. We're seriously lacking the practice we need, and the whole camp thing seems to be in a mess compared to previous years. Most importantly, to me, I don't feel happy doing it, planning it, working things out. I've realised that I'm just nowhere near the right mindset for camp. As Gil said, just do what we can physically, let God do the rest, and get more into the mood at camp itself. Nothing can/will change my mindset until after camp is done, or hopefully, at camp itself. I guess Proverbs 3:5-6 helped put everything in perspective for me. Thanks a million Trishy. (:

There's some minor jamming thing with Mel, Perry, Jared and Fan this Sunday evening/night. I'm not too in the mood for it, considering how things have been going, but I guess it'll be a good way to destress a little bit. And to get me back into playing bass for secular songs. It has definitely been a while.

I feel bad about not going down for the retreat this Saturday in it's entirety but I guess the need to play ball and get a workout is part of my plans for the time being, as well as the usual Saturday night spent with Darren, Deb, Sarah, Janis, Abby and whoever else is around at that time means a lot to me. I don't know. I mean, I know I'm somewhat needed to help but, sometimes, we mess up priorities. Sounds very normal to me, for me. Sigh.

Spoke to Boomy with Val on Monday night, going over to his place just to talk about stuff after meeting up for session planning. I don't know, it's just so amazing how at ease I feel talking to him, just chilling, talking about music, life and such. As I told Val, it's his character plus the fact that he's of the generation that bridges my parents' and mine. So it's kind of like the best of both worlds where he has experienced so much, yet he's more in touch with the current generation and all. One day, I hope to be more like him, life-giving, understanding and more of a family man. Funny how I don't see myself anywhere near that though.

Okay, I think it's time I picked up the bass to get some practice in. I think I need it.

So I guess I'll just wait and see what happens from here on..

2009-10-28T07:18:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Timbaland - Bounce.

This song has been stuck on my head a little bit because of Step-Up 2's ending dance scene. I don't know, just been listening to Timbaland for quite a bit. Currently awaiting his new album.

It's been a great day yesterday, waking up early, going down to TP to catch Sarah's performance and all for the roadshow and getting a video of her item and some random pictures and videos during some other items by TPDE. Also took some nice pictures in the school itself. And surprisingly, I realized that it wasn't anywhere near a long trip there from home. 40-45mins? Haha. Bistro there isn't that great though? Ah well, I miss school already. The care-free days of being in poly. HAHA.

Evening was spent going to G77 to meet up with Kenny to swap basses. Amazingly, the Bone Bass is quite a bitch to maintain but hey, I need a 5-string and that's the main point at the moment, even if it means that I have to baby it. Ken was very nice about it and he was even more surprised that my Stingray was pretty completely scratch-less. He thought I didn't use it, though it's my main bass. I guess it's just that I truly babied it when I had it for the past few months. Well, I guess I can always save up and get another Stingray, this time, shipping it in directly. I want one in Transparent Orange, Pacific Blue Burst or Black Cherry Burst. But with EBMM, I feel tempted to try out a Big Al, hahaha. Oh well, time will tell in future. I'm happy with the Bone now. It's quite the tonal monster but It gave me a splinter from the wenge fingerboard yesterday. Did some minor sanding on the edges of the fingerboard after that and gave it a once through with lemon oil too. Wonder where the hell do I get tung oil here.

Dinner was with Addison and Matty and it was great as usual. Missed going out with them the past month or so due to our individual schedules, or moreso due to mine, because of work and prep for camps. Plus the main fact that they always ask me out for dinner on a Thursday when there's ED practice. Haha. I'm still so going to kill Addison though. Stuff we talked about shall not be disclosed!

Alright, I managed to post up the video after so many bloody hours haha. NICE. And not to mention falling asleep just 5 minutes before the video finished uploading on the net.

2009-10-25T10:46:00.005+08:00

Trackspin: OneRepublic - Mercy.

Been listening to their album Dreaming Out Loud for the past 2 days. It's been a little while since I've listened to their songs. Reminds me why I feel that they're a pretty great band to listen to.

It's been a really bad bunch of days lately, with the exception of going out with Kelvin and Shawn to take photos. I don't know why I feel so stressed out at the moment but I don't like it one bit. Honestly, I think maybe I'm just really sick and tired of everything that has been happening. Even now, I'd rather not stay at home as far as possible. It's just a whole lot of things on my mind at the moment and I think I'm on a very short fuse lately as a result.

Needless to say, certain people have been the primary causes of me being so agitated and pissed off lately. A handful of people whom I seriously cannot take another shit from at this point in time, otherwise I'm seriously going to blow up from this mess. It's just getting too much for me to take already. And yet, sometimes I feel that I'm at fault for letting all this get to this state, without doing anything to stop it. Have I just been too passive about things? Just like the case with somebody now? UGH.

Okay, I think it's time for me to get out of the house already.

It's time to get settled down for later.

2009-10-20T10:26:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: The Veronicas - When It All Falls Apart.

Currently listening to them. Quite upbeat stuff. Reminds me that I need to practice bass more often. More importantly, I find my self needing a 5-stringer. How ironic. I gave up my Jazz V for the EBMM and now, I need a 5 again. Damn it. Stupid songs. If only I can sell it off quick and get the Jaime White from Ken. UGH.

I've been sleeping really late and waking up even later than usual. Suddenly my body clock's sleeping hours have shifted over to 5am-1pm as my sleep zone. Gosh. This is definitely not good at all. Time to start some changes maybe.

Been thinking a whole lot lately, about work and about the future. I really want to get into photography full-time but then again, market's starting to get saturated with newcomers with DSLRs who can take good pictures too. I just don't stand out from the rest I guess. Sigh. There's so much going on at home that it's the worst place I could be in for the whole day. I'd much rather be out with Kelvin and Shawn shooting pictures just to occupy my mind, or be out with the Udders or other select church people. Honestly, I'm getting tired from everything.

Concamp is coming up, knocking right on our doors soon. And I'm not the least bit prepared. At least not like other years. I feel so bare this year, in going for camp. Things just don't seem right with me going this year. I don't know why.

I came across the eventuality that I'll leave ED and playing bass to focus on my photography sometime in the future. There's just no way that I can juggle both, considering how most weekends would end up in jobs for me and with sessions and all, it's just going to be quite impossible. Especially when dates for jobs are set way in advance, but session dates aren't even confirmed for the longest time sometimes. Suddenly, ED doesn't feel like home anymore. Is this how Bernard and Darren felt before? I'm just wondering and maybe an overactive mind isn't the best thing to have when I have a lot of free time. There are reasons for me feeling this way of course and I'm sure of at least one or two reasons, which shall not be disclosed on this page.

After last week, I kind of figured, there is no right time. There isn't a right time for a specific something at times, you just have to convince yourself that by doing that little something, things will take a change and hopefully for the better. Kind of retarded I guess, but I've been having too many mixed thoughts as of late..

2009-10-11T14:31:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: Tamia - Officially Missing You.

Okay, been stuck on this song for the past two days. Or rather, stuck on an acoustic version done by 2 Korean girls in Australia, which I find fantastic. Wish I had the talent to play guitar though, it'd be a good way to while my days away when there's nothing better to do. Like today.

Slept in and had movie plans disrupted coz the movie timings are quite bad, nobody else replied about being able to or wanting to watch a movie either and also coz Matty has to be home for dinner. So now, I've no plans left at all, rotting at home on a Sunday, especially since yesterday was already taken up by work. If not for last night's fun with Janis and all, I'd seriously be in a bad mood today when plans are cancelled. Such a complete waste of my weekend please. I shall go out later to the library and to see if anybody's out for dinner after sunset mass. Which still isn't much consolation. The past few days haven't been the greatest in terms of eating, because of the metal in my mouth now. It's still hurting like mad to chew and I'm stuck with simple food like fried rice and such.

Friday was pretty fun, going out with Joaquim, Terence and Germaine. It's been a while since we got together and yeah, I miss poly days. Bio was so much fun in Dr Jeff's class, hahaha. Especially with Milk always eating sweets. Wonder how everybody's doing with life now.

Work yesterday was fun and I can honestly say that Addison is not a dangerous driver. Not in comparison to my boss, HAHAHA. It was exhilarating and yet, I was a little scared, with how he drives his Ford Focus ST. Coming out of a carpark at 60km/h, accelerating to 80km/h in a second, followed by up to 120km/h. As well as swerving in and out of traffic. Really felt the turbo kicking in whenever he steps on the gas, which happens to be all the time, haha. Nice car for sure, but scary ride and driver. But it was really fun working with him still, despite worrying for my life in his car. Pretty entertaining and all I can say is I feel lucky to have the chance to be working with both my bosses.

I feel that I'm not doing enough with my life right now despite the fact that I like my job a whole lot. Probably because it pays quite badly, so much so I can barely survive actually. Tempted to find a proper job but that would mean forsaking this chance I have and I'm quite reluctant to let go of this so early on. It'd be giving up from the get-go. I just don't know what to do now. Sigh.

Alright, It's not a great day but I guess I'll have to think of something to prevent myself from thinking too much.

2009-10-03T12:00:00.006+08:00

Trackspin: Marie Digby - Daybreak.

I've been stuck on Marie Digby for the past week. Pretty nice and easy on the ears for long journeys.

Okay, so it's October already. My job still isn't stable enough for my liking and today, I heard of some bad news which made my mom remind me that it's better to get a "proper" full-time job and this time, I feel compelled to do so, just because of what has happened/is happening/has been happening. It is entirely frustrating to know that your friends' families can be so eager to push them to go for what they want, to pursue their interests and yet, although my family doesn't speak out against my decisions, they make it known so clearly that they don't like it. Also, it is also family that is causing me so many problems and putting up so many obstacles that prevent me from truly going all out and pursuing what I want to do for real. It's just so maddening when you get to this age and know that despite all your parents said, but yet, nothing will turn out how you want it to, and in the end, everybody is unhappy, me because I'm simply unable to pursue what I want to do what I'm interested in, and them because they're unhappy about me doing what I want to, which they deem is unacceptable and outside of their norms. I truly am at a loss of what to do at this point in time. So much for taking up a job for now and wanting to take this year to decide on what I want to do with my life. I don't want to be another mindless drone in a cubicle and be the unassuming butt of Scott Adam's jokes. For the uninitiated, Scott Adam is the writer for Dilbert, the comic strip that is serving the cubicle-dwelling personnel of nations worldwide.

Musically, I'm getting nowhere. I haven't touched my bass too much lately, at home and all. I just feel a lack of verve to play, with ED the way it is now. I don't know why, but things just aren't the same anymore. It's just a matter of time. And honestly, if I were to leave ED at some point in time, I would think that there would be nothing left for me to come back to church for.

I feel as though I've been losing touch with my friends, even though these days, I definitely have more free time to meet up with other people and such. I don't know why. Maybe everybody is just busy with their lives and at my age, everybody is just trying to make life worthwhile, by pouring their hearts and minds into their studies and dedicating themselves to their work as well. I think maybe it was a wrong idea to forsake a holiday after NS, I seem to really have needed a break away from life here. Nothing has truly changed and I feel that during NS, at least there was something to look forward to, something I wanted to achieve, which I did, I suppose. Right now, the future just looks a little too bleak and unassuming, just waiting to work until I die here.

A long break is needed, somehow. I guess I'll need to work and save up money. And once I'm ready for that trip, I'll take it, along with whoever is free at that point in time. I'd really love to take a road trip or hike, go backpacking somewhere. Anywhere where I can get away from the hustle and bustle here, plus away from my troubles, if only for a while.

Do I seem like an escapist to you? I seem to love running away from my problems. Even this whole issue about love/like with regards to somebody. I seem to be running away from it, simply because I'm afraid of how things might turn out. It's just seriously bothering me on a level I cannot comprehend because I haven't felt this way for a long time. I'm not talking about the feeling of liking somebody. Rather, it's the feeling of fear of failure at something, at rejection maybe? But more so a fear of screwing up a friendship, because that's one thing I've learnt to treasure these few years, because my friends have always been the ones who have been around for me, though I can't honestly say the reverse has been true all the time. I'm truly thankful for each and every one of you who has made a difference to me simply by being a part of my life, especially in times when I needed the support and comfort of friends, especially the past year and a half, two years. It hasn't been the smoothest journey for me, but I guess I just wanted to thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. And especially so to The Udders, you all are being missed greatly when we each go missing for weeks at a time, plus with Carol overseas now. Let's plan for a good food trip when she's back or something. Work and studies may separate us for weeks at a go, but I think our friendship is stronger than that and I pray that nothing will change for us despite us growing up and finding ourselves in these years, including the upcoming ones.

Okay, I'd best get going, I need to be at the event for Darren in an hour, and everything is more or less ready. I'm praying work tomorrow will be fun and not too strenuous, though I doubt so. Hopefully I learn more along the way with Michael again. Next Saturday, I'll be working for the first time with Jonathan. Hopefully it'll go great too, as Shawn said he's really easy-going. Alright, cheers to you readers, and may you all have a blessed weekend ahead that allows for peaceful rest and fun. I know mine will be busy but still fun, in ways.

2009-09-24T23:41:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire.

Been a little bit hooked to this song coz of the vocals. I don't know why but somehow, I find the vocalist a wee bit too whiny for my liking but he sounded good for this song, haha. Interesting, maybe it's just that this song works nicely when whiny.

Today was the day I got the rubber separators between my teeth. It was pretty okay at first, but by now, day's end, I'm cursing and swearing because my gums and jaw is really really sore, due to the separators pushing my teeth apart and pushing my gums too, especially since I've 4 of them on my lower jaw alone and only 1 on my upper row of teeth. Sheesh. Not to mention my jaw's already aching from this morning when I got some fillings done and the guy kinda pried open my jaw and kept it that way for a good hour. My jaw and gums are aching a heck of a lot worse than when I extracted my 7 teeth! The only thing I had to really deal with after the extractions was the swelling of my lower left jaw! Now it's worse than just that! WRAWH!

Okay, first day of work last Sunday was a pretty good experience, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Kind of hard to imagine enjoying your job for real perhaps, but sometimes, it is possible I suppose. Just hoping I can get it full-time and get to learn and do more too!

As a result of work, I've been extremely GIAN to get a full-frame DSLR instead of sticking with a crop-factor body. 7D or 5D Mark II when then 7D launches and provided when I get the cash to get it? Which one? Plus my lenses will be going for an overhaul soon, getting rid of the 17-50mm soon I suspect, don't really like it now, not anymore. After the zoo outing and work last week, what my boss said was right. Once you go L, no other consumer lenses can truly compare, image quality wise. Unless you start going upwards to Leica, Zeiss and such. But of course, that's another story. As such, the build and image quality from my 70-200mm F4L IS USM has been addictive and the 17-50mm just doesn't cut it, despite being a sharp copy. Hunting in low light and all doesn't help at all. Currently contemplating a 24-105mm F4L IS USM or a 28-70 F2.8L USM. And anyway, realised I'm quite a sucker for UWA lenses, despite not liking the Canon EF-S 10-22mm. I tried my boss's 12-24 Sigma on his 5D Mk II. OMFG. TALK ABOUT ULTRA-WIDE ANGLE. Looking through the OVF was such a breath-taking moment. I can think of some applications for such UWA lenses but I'll probably only think of getting a Tokina 11-16mm F2.8 as a UWA. I'm still a sucker for constant apertures.

ANYWAY, I started clearing out my secondary school stuff yesterday. Looked through my sec 3 yearbook and I seriously miss the guys from school man. It's been so long and we don't even contact majority of the people anymore. Oh well, time flies and looking at the faces and all from back then, I can definitely say we've all grown. That was a good 7 long years ago. A third of our lifetime ago. Nothing compared to the old fogies, but in fractions, it shows how young we truly are but yet, how much moments like that are a part of us indefinitely.

I seriously need to put more effort and time into playing bass, I'm way too rusty already, I feel at least. It's not a good thing, considering I've even though of giving up playing bass to focus on photography full-time. Sigh. Not a good thing to be divided between so many hobbies I guess, especially since most of my hobbies require excessive amounts of money at some point. Guess time will tell and if I have to decide on something in the future, I'll do so when it comes to that point. Much to early to say anything solid now. Had a few people say some things to me lately that did put some perspective into my life lately. As said earlier, time will tell.

I haven't managed to spend time with some people that I want to lately though. Truth be told, I don't think I've too many friends that are free enough to just call me out to just hang out somewhere, or that will just decide to go somewhere and sit just for the fun of it. But then again, despite all, I love my friends and that also explains why at times, I withdraw and head out myself. Only recent thing like that has been the zoo outing with Kelvin, Boon and Shawn. Time for something retarded and be it spontaneous or planned, just out for fun, randomly. This time, including Fang and Is, maybe a few others too. Too bad Ryan's still in Taiwan though.

There's so much to blog about actually but my head's all over the place and I can't concentrate nor focus due to the discomfort I'm feeling from my jaw and gums. Darn it. I'm probably going to go mad before the 2 years are up man, it seems. Time to go off and get some rest or stay awake playing games if I can't sleep due to the discomfort again.

GOOD NIGHT WORLD!

2009-09-15T11:39:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: John Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room.

Been stuck on John Mayer once again. The slower songs and all are just great for bus rides and all. Guess it's just one of those artistes that never seems to get boring to you, even after countless hours of listening. Think my John Mayer playlist on my ipod has been getting the most playtime the past month.

Seems like the new skin is having some issues, you can't just click and return to view my posts after clicking on either links or tagboard hotspots and I've no idea how to solve it, YET. I guess I'll just spend some time this week or next to look through the codes and see what happens. Maybe it's just the scripting and I won't be able to solve anything. Oh well. Like the look of the new skin though, simple and dark.

Birthdays galore lately, and I'm just about broke. Sigh. Can't wait for the email. No news is not good news, not in this case. Sigh.

Niggs, I really don't mind Viva La Vida, but find me a double bass and the complete instrument list needed, plus the people to play them, HAHA. And yes, I'm definitely up for the idea of just picking songs and jamming haha. I really need to touch my bass again, it's been too long somewhat. We need to find a singer and guitarists! Maybe keyboardists as well, haha.

It's the start of a new week, a new life. It feels so weird somehow. DX put it across nicely when he said it feels weird not having to book-in. But then again, the past 6 weeks haven't given us much book-ins to worry about, just that we know sooner or later, we still have to, somehow. But not anymore now. Ah well, I'm currently just waiting for them to get back to me about the job and hopefully, it's a positive reply. I really just hope to get the job I guess.

Alright, kinda lost the mood to blog, somewhat. Hope I really start clearing my room today, at least.

My dear we're slow dancing in a burning room..

2009-09-04T15:22:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jamiroquai - Starchild.

It was a really bad night. A bad couple of weeks actually, considering all that's been plaguing my mind of late.

Yesterday was possibly not a big deal to the people around. But to me, personally, it was a big deal. A really big one, considering how things are and have been lately. It's just not acceptable to me for behaviour like this, much less me having heard what was said after I left. Enough is enough. I wash my hands of this issue, can't be bothered to think anymore about it, much less do anything. Worst case scenario, things just won't work out soon enough.

My patience is at an all-time low lately. I think it's just a constant nagging in the back of my head too but nothing I can do about it much, except to try to relax and not blow up at people over stupid things. It's quite a losing battle, especially with yesterday fresh in my mind.

Fuck it all, honestly. I haven't been this pissed off since hell-knows-when and I think it was rather obvious yesterday, especially to the dolts who probably didn't realize it much at all anyway.

Sacrifice. How much is too much and when is enough, truly ever enough?

2009-09-03T02:10:00.000+08:00

Trackspin: Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody.

This song's been playing on repeat for me the past day. No idea why, just needed to drain everything from my head and this song sounded like it could, and I guess it's been doing an okay job at it.

I guess I meant it that I was trying to spend time with the people and friends who're important to me lately, during my break. But sadly, I can honestly say that perhaps I've been missing out on spending time with the most important person/people, in my opinion. It's quite a disaster show now. Sigh.

Went to the zoo today after a dreary yesterday spent indoors because of the downpour the entire day. It was a very good day for photography and I really enjoyed myself, despite the 5 hours of non-stop walking we did in there, just snapping away. Came out happy though, with the pictures. Really love the 70-200mm F4L IS USM now. But seriously, the F2.8L would be so much better, HAHA. And it makes me regret getting the Tamron 17-50mm F2.8. I should've just gotten a 24-105mm F4L IS USM with the 70-200mm as well back then. Absolutely in love with how sharp the images are, compared to the Tammy. The press release for the 7D isn't going to make things any simpler on my wallet soon though. So many different thoughts, but I guess I've prioritized some of my stuff now. HAHA. Hopefully I go through with what I planned. Which never truly seems to happen. I wonder why.

Boomy says maybe I should take a break, somehow. I think maybe though it has been a break of sorts, it's not the sort I need. I need a good break, away from the norms here, away from the people I guess. But I think finding a job takes priority over that now. Maybe end of the year or something, or next year, if I can.

I'm aching quite a bit thinking of how to say some things but let's just say not everything is flowing smoothly right now. Regressing?

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control." How apt, a quote, for my day.

Boomy took to trying to scan for girls for me at the airport, in jest, haha. Was pretty funny though, at his words and all. I really miss just hanging out with the older ones. I guess Boomy's just one of those I really, really look up to. So much I've learnt from him, from his words, actions, ideas.

Eugene's gone over to London, with our epicfail. Oh well, he'll be back sooner than he knows it, tough as it is study-wise for him, I'm sure he'll do his best. We'll utterly miss his guitar-whangling skills here in ED and we'll prepare the necessary stuff for you return bro. Stuff like warming up the Vox an entire week before you get back in December, plus a whole lot of lighter fluid and a stash of matches/lighters. You can prepare yourself by learning to play left-handed and we'll offer up a nice right-handed guitar which is strung left-handedly and it shall be our sacrifice to the rock god to keep ED and you together HAHA. You're sorely missed already bro. Take care and all the best with studying, guitar-playing-learning, gig-searching-playing, beers and maintaining a great long-distance relationship with Jea. Lucks to you and know we're always around as FAMILY.

I'm feeling tired and I'm having a headache. Removing my stitches later on at AH before practice. And sadly, Cherns still hasn't done up my bass yet. Only going to be able to get it back on Friday night, which is sad, because Saturday is the actual event itself and I've no idea if my set-up has been adjusted or changed at all. SIGH.

Okay, I should stop ranting already. The later I stay up, the more thoughts run through my mind. I'm missing you once again.

2009-08-30T04:21:00.000+08:00

Trackspin: FM Static - Moment Of Truth.

Love this song!

A day after having my jaw invaded with drills and such, my mouth doesn't hurt much at all, just feels really sore at the end of each day, from talking and all that. It still feels weird due to the stitches and all though. And having so much medication is a hassle as well. Oh well, as people said, for straighter teeth. But the pain I experienced from waking up just after they stitched my gums was horrendous. First thing you wake up groggy, then you just notice the pain is JUST THERE. And they shoved gauze into my mouth and wheeled me out of OT. Haha. No shit. Lay bleeding in the day ward room from 1030am-4pm. Talk about major blood loss.

Well, officially, it's the second day already. Survived one day with the discomfort and all, but yeah, I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Hopefully no infections or anything and the removal of stitches goes well next week, plus it stays clean up until it's time for my braces and all to be put on.

The remnants of my teeth are in pretty bad shape. Should probably go throw them into alcohol haha.

I'm honestly tired from some things. I don't know why I feel the way I do, but I guess sometimes, it isn't wrong to feel tired of life, of living up to peoples' expectations and to be what they want you to be, to give what they want from you, all the time.

Can't wait till I can eat a proper solid meal again. Chocolate buffet! And so I can cook a proper dinner too!

2009-08-24T15:12:00.000+08:00

Trackspin: Dishwalla - Counting Blue Cars.

Title reminds me of the movie up where Russell and Mr Carl Fredricksen counted red cars and blue, eating ice cream on the kerb, at the movie's end.

It's been an okay past few days, where I've been trying to keep myself occupied as well as rest for the upcoming surgery. It's in 2 days now, and honestly, I'm still not at ease. No idea why, but just doesn't feel like everything's okay, somehow. Maybe it's the missed call from AH 2 weeks ago during ED practice, but yeah.. Hopefully everything goes well.

I've been thinking a lot about the future lately, what I want to do after ORD, what jobs, what I want to study after a year of working. After everything so far, it's still rather inconclusive. Hopefully I'll make up my mind this year. And also, I figure I should be just working part time perhaps, to spend more time with family and also to be able to do things now that I might not be able to do further on in life, like enjoy my hobbies and such.

I guess friends make up the most vital part of my life and I've really been trying to go out with the people who mean a lot to me, people like Darren, Matty, Val, Carol, Addison, Zena, a few others here and there. At least spending some time with them, amidst their busy lives. I suppose time doesn't wait for anybody and it's kind of sad, because seriously, I don't want to live the rest of my life without seeing them as often as I do now, though that's a pretty ridiculous thought. Perhaps it's the phase where the people you grow up with and watching each other change as you grow makes the friendship more meaningful, as you watch each other mature. I don't know. But yeah.

Been having thoughts of doing more asides from just playing for ED and being around in CYF but I guess I need personal time too. There's so much that needs to be done, but as said, Time waits for no man.

Alright, just a quick post because I feel like my blog's getting neglected a little once again. Currently eating my lunch and preparing to head out for mass later, followed by dinner with Joaquim. See what I mean about spending time with people whose friendship mean a lot to me? Well, I should really get around to looking for a job interview and such. Getting closer to D-Day and I'm actually feeling more optimistic because although it means not seeing the bunkmates and platoonmates for quite some time, it means a fresh start with life from here on, somehow. I guess I should start making plans, even though most of my plans always wind up getting thrown out the window.

2009-08-16T01:23:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: Colbie Caillat - Falling For You.

Very nice song that I was sent. Guess I'll be listening to it for awhile, since I need to get my head off some other songs and some other things as well.

I stand by my reasoning that days can be good, only up until someone says something wrong and screws it all up for you. Today was the perfect example in that regard.

I honestly wonder what does it take. Tolerance only takes me so far. Patience takes me that much a fair bit further. I learnt something new today. Friendship takes you all the way. But at the same time, I honestly don't know how much I can take. I hope I don't lose my head over this.

Times like tonight make me want to sell my basses, everything to do with bass, and just shove it. Dedicate everything over to photography. Honestly. Sigh.

Been on email the past few days. Pleasant surprises and innovative ideas. I figure it's a darn possible project ahead. Time will tell if all goes well.

I guess I really don't know what I want out of my life right now. So many options, yet, only so few choices I can effectively make a move on, for my life. It's a different ballgame with ORD drawing nearer. I need a job. Soon. To finance my life and help out with family too I suppose. So many things that need doing.

So many things that need to be done, so little time.
If only the called would respond.
If only the chosen had the necessary tools.
So many things that are possible, if the above were so.
These days, we can do just about anything, if only we put our hearts and minds to it.
And on a side note, I seriously miss you somehow, amidst the hustle and bustle.

2009-08-15T02:32:00.000+08:00

Trackspin: John Mayer - Bigger Than My Body.

Love the bassline for this song.

It's amazing how sometimes, all it takes is a simple sms/email to put a smile on your face. It's much more amazing than someone pissing you off via sms/email for sure.

Badminton was a good workout. Big Ben and Matty got the brunt of it from me, though. Sorry!

I'm in shock. Sigma came out with a 4.5mm F2.8 EX DC Fisheye lens for APS-C cameras. ZOMG. The price tag is even more alluring at this moment.

I've been hooked on John Mayer once more, the past couple of days.. Not sure why, but I guess it's not a bad thing at all, haha.

I miss playing basketball. I miss you but it'll have to wait until the following week. Soon enough!

Alright, time for me to catch my 40 winks. I'm falling asleep at my mac.

2009-08-11T13:37:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Dishwalla - Candleburn.

It's amazing how quickly my mood can turn around these days.

I'm in renewed awe at how much of a selfish pig my sister can be. She just fricken ate half my box of Royce chocolates without asking and it's just irritating because I only ate 2 pieces thus far. Damn it. Swear I need a mini-fridge in my room soon enough, with a digi-cabi.

Another pissing off situation is guard duty on sunday instead of AHM. WTF. If there was guard duty, then tell me, kind PS, what the fuck were you thinking, asking us to train for AHM, to go to ECP for a run, including those who were sick and on status. Mother-eff. Moreover, the platoon has already done guard duty for the last month and now it's us doing it again this month? What the fuck is wrong with the battalion, or more importantly, the company, or even more importantly, my platoon superiors?! Now I've an entire platoon of pissed off friends. Nice. I'm so coming for guard duty. And I'm so coming after your ass, PS Mao. Don't think that just because you're PS means you're invulnerable. There's 31 more days for me to wreck havoc with your life, even when I'm done with surgery. And once surgery is done, you can't touch me.

It's irritating to be woken up by your phone. It's worse still when you planned to sleep in. But nothing beats being told you've guard duty, all of a sudden, at 8am in the morning when you're on leave. FUCK. Should've just taken overseas leave all the way. Bastard.

Okay, hope the rest of the day goes well and that I'll be able to get what I need to get, and maybe catch a movie in the process.

2009-08-11T01:38:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me.

Think this song's rather cute and addictive. Haha.

It was a good day out today I suppose, considering it was kind of productive. Settled some stuff, somewhat. At least now we've an idea and we started on something else too.

Am currently very tempted to get a CarlZeiss 50mm F1.7 lens second-hand. But I guess I shall wait. Maybe will save up and get a Zeiss 50mm F1.4 at year's end or save even more for a 24-105mm F4L first. Still got other things on the list, including a Peleng 8mm F3.5 Fisheye lens and maybe a Sigma 30mm F1.4 as well, depending. But it'll be a long and slow journey for lenses for sure.

Gonna be getting my badminton rackets done up tomorrow as well as search for my indoor court shoes. Badminton on Friday, can't wait! It's been so long since I've played and I've honestly missed it a lot. Hopefully I haven't deproved too much.. Am hoping that there will be enough people who can make it down to play, just to destress from a week at school or work.

Alright, think I should be heading off to bed now. Long day tomorrow I think.

Sleep!

2009-08-08T00:12:00.000+08:00

Trackspin: Robbie Robertson - Shine Your Light.

Love this song. Was listening to it 2 days ago on the bus.

Days like these, I honestly feel like I should've stayed home, switched on the air-conditioning, and slept the day away in hibernation.

I don't know what went wrong today. It just wasn't okay.

Okay, I'm tired and heading to bed. More updates next time, after I clear my head.

This headache's killing me.

2009-08-05T00:30:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Guns 'N Roses - Welcome To The Jungle.

Can't believe I'm on GnR again, but this is all the fault of TPL. Those arses massacred GnR for me so I guess I need some help to revive them in my ears.

I honestly cannot believe that Colin said that he was a good bassist. Much less do I believe that Keith is that, probably self-proclaimed, "BASS GOD OF ST PATS". Oh please. I've met noobs better than you. Fundamentally, you're crap. Tonally, you're the worst I've come across, sad to say. Can't believe that Loncle dared to say that our amps suck, much less Jacob telling Val Koh that the drum kit wasn't in tune.

Jacob: I'd give you a drum key and let you tune the entire drum kit. I'll give you 2 hours to do so and get it into a concert standard tuning. That's what you were after weren't you? (: Bite me, boy. I honestly thought you were better than this, to spout this nonsense. So tell me, what key does Matt Sorum tune his drums/toms to? (: I've lost faith in you. You're still a friend, but I honestly believe you to be better than this. But you proved me wrong, after doing more than just this.

Loncle: The amps sucked? Oh, really? It just so happens that we used these amps for Battle For Charity in the CC next door which is about say 10x the size of John+Luke combined, and we were still very much audible. If Ryan, Cedric and I could be heard very well and Eugene gave good comments about the bass tone, I would suspect it's just you that can't be heard. I'm sorry but if our equipment isn't good enough for you, provide us a techrider in future, I'll gladly trash it and still let you use these equipments, even if we had better ones to spare. (: Bet you're searching up on wtf is a techrider now aren't you? Got you yet? (:

It's surprising you guys can even get gigs, coz you all sound that bad actually. To me, at least. IMHO, this isn't a hate post, much less a holier-than-thou attitude in place. It's just payback for what you guys did/said/posted thus far. (: It's hilarious that you all actually decided to just like remove your tops just for a performance, much less one done in church. An utter lack of respect for the parents around, for the group that organised the event, for the people involved. Getting pissed off at APY for telling you all to get your shirts back on was an immature act and there was already a blatant lack of respect when everybody just left after you all ended your set. I hope the next time you all play, you all get it in your minds that bands have to earn the respect from their fanbase. You don't expect to be stars overnight, which obviously you all aren't anyway.

There was so much that went wrong but eyes were closed and we let slip what we could I suppose. I honestly wish that it could have been a better day for me rather than putting up with all these. But I suppose what's done is done, doubtful you'll play for something in church again, organised like that by one of the other groups. Thanks for proving your worth. Not.

So much going on lately, messing up the future. I need to play basketball or badminton soon. Really soon. Meaning I need to go re-grip and restring both my racquets. ORD dinner seems like a bummer now, having to book in after that. What kind of a crap dinner is that huh, requiring us to get back to camp with a time imposed, when it's for us to celebrate the soon-to-end 2 years of national slavery?! BULLSHIT I SAY.

Alright, I need to sleep, 12km run later. Don't know if I'm up for it. Gotta be at Bishan at 630 to meet HJ and Sara for a lift. I want a longer break, all the way until I get out of there. I'm not happy, haven't truly been for the longest time perhaps. Recent discoveries have made it all the worse. I honestly could use a good break with just friends around and doing stuff like the past 2 days, hanging around, eating, driving and slacking. Of course, it'd be great to have friends who mean much to me in these scenarios. I need to find a spot to lie back and relax, green pastures, open fields, soft grass, beachside perhaps, picnic maybe. I'm just dreaming now, aren't I? I'm glad to say I know that I'll probably receive a whole lot of flak, for this post, especially from the little one, but I think this is just my personal view on what has transpired from the event. After serving in the church and having been around for the past 7 years, I'm honestly saddened by what happened. And I cannot and won't take it lying down after the combined efforts of so many people are being put down by a bunch of wannabes. That's right, I think you all are just a bunch of wannabes. (:

Oh, and stop staring and whatnot. It was weird for me to hold MsBrightside in front of you all. John and Bryandt would agree with me, Stingrays FTW.

Nights to the world.

Dreaming of primes, teles, fisheyes, ultra-wide-angles. Wish I'd dream of you though!

2009-08-03T01:04:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: FM Static - Crazy Mary.

Listening to FM Static's album right now. Nice stuff to listen to at night.

Feeling a little under the weather again but I suppose it could just be the late nights.

Suddenly, I feel a little regretful that I chose to go with a Tamron 17-50mm F2.8 and Canon 70-200mm F4L IS USM. Maybe I should have went with a Tokina 11-16mm F2.8 and Canon 24-105mm F4L IS USM. Ah well, whatever, too late for regrets. Time to save up and get those 2 lenses slowly I guess. But still, I love the 70-200, just maybe I should have gotten a F2.8 version instead.. Sigh.

I'm honestly so tired from so many things. Worrying about this, that, so many things to handle at once at times. And the surprises thrown by life are sometimes just overwhelming.

Contemplating should I get my backpack ASAP. Or should that XT Live come, coz it's 2nd hand and going cheap? Decisions, decisions.

Put some thoughts into a career as a teacher. Primary school teacher. Can you all imagine me as one? Give me your thoughts and feedback! Haha.

Soon enough, I'd own up to what I've done.

2009-08-02T13:57:00.000+08:00

Trackspin: The Script - I'm Yours.

Very nice song that I'm listening to once more.

Turns out the event wasn't too much of a bummer, though I think I could have done alot better, if only my hand didn't cramp up. 2.5hrs of sleep doesn't cut it for performance days, honestly. Waking up after 2.5hrs to find your back hurting like shit and that you're suffering from gastric sucks too. Guess I should take better care of myself for days where I should be well.

I am still irritated at my ACG preamp still not being here yet. Damn it. I wonder if getting the Nordy pup is gonna take as long too. Probably gonna get Cherns to shield the compartment after all the mods. Still contemplating the Bass Pod XT Live or the Hematoma. ARGH.

Okay, posted pictures of the event on FB already. Sifted through 740 pics from the whole of last night. Talk about insane.

Looking back at my line of basses, I wonder why I sold some of them actually. Miss playing some of them loads. Perhaps they could all have played better with mods instead of just outrightly selling and buying something new. But still, the 'Ray proves to me that I shouldn't regret the path I took, that I'm still learning more along the way.

Truth be told, I miss you as much as I miss playing badminton and basketball. Wonder how long I won't be able to play ball soon. SIGH.

2009-07-30T16:04:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jimmy Eat World - The Middle.

Simple song.

Crap! Was at AH from 8am till 135pm for dental consultancy, which also became orthodontic consultancy. Putting metal in my mouth this year, for sure. Sigh. After much deliberation, I suppose it's definitely for the better. But I've to extract 7 teeth! ALL AT ONE GO! !@#$%^&*()! Not looking forward to it at all man, even though I'll be under GA. Shat man. Scary though, especially with Kelvin not being able to feel his lower lip since 3 weeks ago. The doc I'm going to is the same as his and now, she told him it could take 6 months to a year for it to recover! Don't know how mine will go man. Can only hope and pray for the best.

Meanwhile, I'm taking the time to go eat whatever the hell I can, and meet whoever I can to eat meals. I won't be able to eat anything for a week or two after the op, which is on 26th August. Time to make appointments!

I'm seriously lacking sleep and the lbp is affecting me still. How how HOW?!

Wish there was more I could do. Actually, I suppose it's just whether I want to.

2009-07-29T12:32:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: John Mayer - My Stupid Mouth.

Haha, The title's funny to me and still kind of hits me. Really nice song though!

Well, I'm back from guard duty and a glorious lack of sleep. Still suffering from effects of lbp though.

Currently still waiting for Cherns to sms me with good news. Sigh.

Wonder if I should sms Bry and head over to play with the cats and meddle his effects. Miss Toto and the cats loads. It's been ages since I've been there to visit.

Tomorrow's dental consultancy. Hope it goes well and I manage to choose the earlier dates or that I manage to do all the extractions before Oh.aRe.Dee. It's coming up so fast that it seems unreal. Even so, I can't get my specialist appointment in time. Gotta see if I can get a written note from the physiotherapist or should I just go to the MO and tell him about the situation I'm in? Hmm..

Alright, think I shall take a quick nap for the time being, before thinking of heading out or anything. God knows I need the rest.

I think that sometimes, things take longer than you came to expect.
But I suppose trust, hope and prayer can be a source of comfort.

2009-07-27T19:18:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: John Mayer - Bigger Than My Body.

Doc said my blood pressure's on the low end. 100/60. I guess it isn't too bad, except for the 60 part which is bordering on hypotension. At least it isn't as low as a friend's before, at 66/41. Now that's definitely cause for worry.

Hmm, still feeling a little tired and lethargic, no mood to really do anything actually. Shall just go through what I can for this Thurs' prac and for Sat too.

I hate camp life. On the brighter side, I'm out on Wed evening, I think. Hopefully the ACG has arrived on our shore by then. It's killing me with anticipation to get it done up and play with Ms.Brightside. Should make things just a tad interesting. Still no idea how to really dress for Sat though. Thinking of just coming down in casual despite everything.

Alright, heading down for dinner now, just a really short entry. More when I feel like it.

Am I dreaming it?

2009-07-27T01:49:00.000+08:00

Trackspin : Jason Mraz - I'm Yours.

Listening to Mr.A-Z's album once more. It's a bad night, feeling a little bit sickly, feeling giddy whenever I stand up or move after sitting down or lying down for a period of time. It's shorter now though. Sam remarked that it could be my iron intake and such. Oh well, guess I need to watch the dietary intake and maybe get some supplements too. Think she was rather shocked when I told her bout the times at Tekong Medical Centre and CMPB where the medics had to take my blood pressure 3 times to get into the safe range. Oh well. Hopefully I'm perfectly normal. I hope.

I'm mildly irritated but fervently hoping that Cherns will just drop me a surprise SMS soon. I'm dying to get used to the ACG and to fiddle around with it before this Saturday. Can't believe that it's already reaching August. And Zena's back from Vietnam! Bet she's happy like hell after all that time spent there.

I've realised that its possible to feel awkward amongst friends, even close ones. It's quite a new concept to me but I suppose I'll manage. It just doesn't feel right at times anymore. I don't know how to explain it.

Okay, I figure I should get to bed now. Heading to the doctor in the morning so I guess I should get there bright and early so as not to waste my day. Got to get something done bout the footrot and also for my knee which is hurting for no apparent reason. Shat.

Alright, more next time.

Till then.

Constantly it burdens me
Hard to trust and can't believe

2009-07-17T17:54:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: MYMP - Crazy For You.

It's been a crazy past few days with almost no sleep for me. Today felt good though it was a waste of time, coz I finally got to sleep in until 1250pm. Seriously, I don't know why I feel like my day's been wasted, but it definitely was a good rest for me, at last. Stomach and head hasn't been feeling too great today though. Hopefully the queasiness goes before dinner later.

Finally, ball tomorrow, after two months of inactivity! Definitely looking forward to it, though I'm sure I'll fail quite miserably with shooting the ball and driving in. Ugh.

I utterly hate the fact that practices haven't been productive to me. It's like, I do more good practicing at home. Plus I think I left my cable at Boon's damn it. I swear I don't ever want to play there anymore. Now I've to spend more to get a replacement cable. Probably gonna get Cherns to make me a cable instead, along when I go get my ACG pre installed..

Too much has been on my mind the past week. Especially with Addison's words. Haha. Moron! I'm so killing Matty and you man..

Makes me wonder what's for dinner tonight. Since dad screwed my plans to bring the family to eat. Urgh. Irritating. Never mind, their loss, not mine.

To dabble in multi-effects again or not? There've been Bass Pod XT Lives going for cheap lately and I think it'd be good to play around. But I suppose I shouldn't spend too much again now. Especially since I'm already awaiting the arrival and installation of the ACG. Guess I'll just have to see how things go.

On a separate note, been shooting at smaller apertures and I can see the differences. Just gotta keep my ISO up to shoot at such a high Fstop. Ah wells. More to learn for sure. Glad that the 17-50mm still remains so sharp at F2.8 though. Contemplating a 24-105 in future and selling the 17-50 to either get a 30 or 50 1.4 though. Not sure how I'll make up for the wide end if that happens though. 10-22? HAHA. Sounds like a plan but it's 3.5-4.5 though. Not constant. I suppose I'm a sucker for constant aperture lenses, heh. So much less of a hassle when zooming in and out.

Got a pair of Klipsch Custom-1s for dirt cheap at $45. Obviously, after my Shure E4Cs, the Custom-1s are pretty crap, but I guess I'll just have to manage until I can get something to replace the E4Cs. It's about time anyway, the cable sleeving has gotten horribly exposed. Unless I recable it soon, something untowards is definitely going to happen to it and I don't want to lose a driver in the middle of a walk in town or something.

So much to type at first, but my thoughts are all over the place today, what with the headache and all.

I've come to think that L4D has gotten stale and boring to me. Going back to CoH lately has gotten me into it again though. Sadly, I'm way out of touch with the game. Haven't been playing anywhere near the previous standard at all.

Been considering my future lately, and it actually looks rather bleak. I'm still unsure of the paths I want to take, even though I seem quite adamant on it. It's just that my cousin did the same course and she is currently working in OCBC instead. Another cousin suggested that I do a similar course at RMIT instead, coz it teaches a lot more, like media-based instead of just solely on audio, plus the fact that local music industry is pretty nepotistic. Sounds true to me definitely, but it's what I want to do, long term. However, it sucks when you want to do something you like but cannot do it for a living, due to societal norms/standards and how the industry of the country you're in is so focused on driving you to an early grave once you start working full-time. I'm honestly scared of the idea of working now, especially with how things seem to be working out. It's just not a good picture I paint. But I guess I've always been up to the task of getting something done how I want it to, with tweaks here and there to the plan at hand. Signing-on a good idea? HAHA.

On a scary note, I've been thinking of removing all 4 wisdom teeth at the same time.. Wondering how much pain and discomfort I'll be going through.. Can't be bothered to do 1 by 1 and also, it's scary coz Kelvin just removed one recently and his lower lip has been numb for the entire time since. Possible nerve damage. Yikes. But I guess the sooner I remove it, the better it is, lesser complications in the future. Still, just scared. Never had good times with dentists. My teeth are quite screwed up as well now because of the dentist in primary school. Sigh.

Alright, I'm off to shower and head out for dinner with the family. Heck knows where but I suppose it should be just fine.

Sometimes, there never truly is a right time for anything. There's just a time to do it and pray that things work out okay, if not well. Is that what I'm looking for? I guess I'm still waiting for some stability in my life at the moment but at this rate, will that ever come?

2009-07-12T02:06:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: The Wonders - All My Only Dreams.

Hooked onto this song once more..

Why do I feel like I'm screwing things up more on a daily basis? Sigh. I really wish I knew what I was doing right now.

I really wish I didn't have to be a part of this. I've had enough of all these. Putting your commitments in the wrong places, setting the wrong priorities, acting like what you're doing is in the best interest for us. Honestly, I can say I don't feel that way about this whole scenario, no matter how close we are as friends.

ACG EQ02 is on the way. ETA, 13 more days. Can't wait. I have the urge to swap my pup for the Nordy now too, after hearing more clips between the stock pup and the Nordy. Just has that phatter tone to it which is what I'm currently looking for, amidst the growl from the pup. On the bright side, found a Mono strap that I intend to get, to save my back. Nice, large, padded and comfy. Saw quite a few things around too.

Managed to get score-stands, mic-stands and Gerard's keyboard amp, a Roland KC350. Uber-nice sounding amp. Blown away with it man. Wonder how it'll pass off as a bass amp, considering it's a full-range spectrum thing, hehe. But yeah, bass amps are bass amps still. RebelHead for the win.

And Vernice wants to say Hi..

And when I close my eyes,
You'll be right by my side.
If I could only have one wish,
You'd be the girl whose lips I'd kiss.
All my only dreams.

2009-07-08T21:33:00.008+08:00

Trackspin: Alisha Dixon - Breathe Slow.

Hooked onto this song at the moment, courtesy of somebody. (:

I didn't manage to get marksmanship for CS1. Courtesy of someone's rifle scopes having been replaced but not zeroed. And the guy didn't use his brains to use the iron sights even though it was day shoot. His score : 0/20. Wonderful. when 3/7 of us hit 19/20 of our targets, one of them being me. HUR HUR. Disappointed but nothing much I can do.

Can't wait for NS to end. It's not that much longer, but I hope it just disappears like all my offs.

Today, I had a dream about you, us. Didn't really make sense, but felt real enough, haha. Only thing was, I wish it didn't have to end with me waking up to find myself in bed, in CAMP, of all places. Ugh.

Alright, time to finish up on dinner and continue uploading pics!

2009-07-02T12:31:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: The Killers - Mr Brightside.

Been listening to this song for the past few days during quarantine. Really feel like doing the song, coz I think it'll be able to move the crowd or at least get some of them singing too. Great song, in my humble opinion, with an interesting bassline too.

Finally came out of quarantine for the past 9-10days, got back yesterday morning, but I'm going back in again tonight, out on Friday, back in on Sunday once more. CS1 is on Monday, just hoping as hell that nothing special happens. It'll probably take the whole bloody day too so yeah, probably need to get books to bring in and read for this upcoming week. Think I need to find some good books. Anybody has any to recommend? Okay, probably won't get much of a response, if any at all. I've completely no idea who else still reads this page, heh.

Coming out of quarantine has brought many changes. Mum has a new phone, even before me. Wow. Guess I'll just continue waiting for what I want for the time being. Also, my UEs died on me during confinement. Cable prong snapped off. Completely pissed me off, because my E4Cs are dying too, due to the cut in the cable sleeving, which I have no idea how it happened either. Now the wiring is slightly exposed. RAH. Was contemplating a pair of UM1s as a cheap, temporary solution but no, it got sold for lower than what I bid, the day before I messaged the guy. Guess I'll just put it off for now. Hopefully the E4Cs don't die on me. Sigh.

I need to get some exercise in, especially ball. But no, my time is taken up this weekend with practice, lunch and a get-to-know-your-bandmates session. Darn. Just when I get my break after not playing for a month or slightly more already. Maybe I'll just go run in the morning. But then again, I don't have a pair of spare earphones to use while running. Zzz. Absolutely irritating.

Was really agitated during quarantine because I missed pnw session and YOL. I absolutely cannot believe they did that. It says a lot, putting ops before your mens' lives. And then there's questionable stupidity about not informing the battalion of the confirmed H1N1 case the week before, and continuing with battalion PT in the parade square, where everybody is in close contact with each other. Okay, enough ranting about this situation, I can't be bothered anymore. What's done is done, and matters in camp are only getting worse as the days go by. Let me fricken ORD in peace, damn it. Stop screwing with my weekends.

Simply cannot wait for payday to come in so I can get the ACG preamp and maybe cables too. Just a week more of waiting.

Still haven't caught Transformers 2 : Revenge Of The Fallen yet, so any spoilers will be given a free vasectomy, haha. I seriously need to find time to catch it, when it's not SOLD OUT everywhere. Ice Age 3 too, haha.

Anybody else reading who's on Twitter? You can follow on at http://twitter.com/sebkieran

Okay, think it's time for me to get down to some practice and maybe head down to Jaben later, before booking in. Need to get the practice for Saturday. Not really looking forward to things, just a gut feeling. Hopefully I'm wrong about things.

But it's just the price I pay.

2009-06-18T00:15:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Five For Fighting - Superman.

Old song, but I'm stuck listening to it tonight because of a certain reason. I miss this song so much, simply because it means quite a bit to me. Just being the song it is, haha. Amazing isn't it. And no, don't get the wrong idea, it's not linked to anybody, any girl, past girlfriend or anything. Though some people might guess why I love this song so much. Those who've known me for quite some time..

Hmm, it's been a really stupid day, Spent my afternoon sitting outside a swimming complex entrance because I couldn't be bothered about battalion's anniversary. Stupid miscomm made SD4 come down without any prep to get wet, but they ordered us into the water still. Morons. No way in hell man. Dry I was, dry I remained. Had some fun taking pics with the platoonmates.

Went down to church later and I guess I managed to slack the evening away doing just about NOTHING haha. Was a good way to relax and take my mind off the things that have been happening lately..

Trouble has started. Sebby has problems listening out to basslines in songs already. NO, it's not because I'm losing my hearing. It's because of something else together. Lately, I keep singing the words out to the songs when I am supposed to be listening out for the bassline instead. Guess what does that mean?

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

I utterly miss singing. It's something I haven't done for the bloody longest time, but it's something I don't foresee myself doing much, if at all, ever again, due to many factors. And by "the bloody longest time", I mean when I'm not in a position where I have to sing because there's nobody else to sing the darn songs, like when there are no other male vocals around. I don't know, I'm just so tired from everything. I just wish everything, every single thing, would just stop. Nothing's helping lately. Lack of ball, lack of anything to focus these negative energies out on. Depressed isn't the exact term, disturbed is probably a much closer one. I feel like getting away from here in July. Maybe just a short break or something, leave everything behind. Don't know how that plan will come about but maybe, just maybe.

Alright, I think it's quite obvious that my mood turned cranky tonight, not too long after 1 or 2am. I don't know, I'm feeling extremely bitchy and critical about some things the past day or two, due to a bunch of problems lately. I feel like telling the person off so they'll learn from their mistakes but right now, I'm adopting that screwed-up mentality whereby I'm letting that person do just about whatever-the-hell-they-want-to-do-coz-if-they-screw-up-its-their-problem. And I'm expecting the worst already so it isn't a matter to me at all.

WRAWH. That does it, I'm off now, more updates another time when Seb isn't being such a crustacean and being so crabby like his Jamaican brethren in "The Little Mermaid".

2009-06-14T03:35:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jamiroquai - Travelling Without Moving.

Been kind of hooked to this song here and then. Just something that hits me and keeps me wondering about Stu Zender. Heh.

Anyway, major news of the day is that Nez is no longer. Meet Annabella, the radiance red ray. Soon to be found on me, connected to whichever bass amp is the flavour of the day. Name is courtesy of Bryandt, who thought it'd be nice for a red Ray, and I concur, it fits somehow. Fitting between Anna Molly and Earth To Bella too, haha.

Only thing I see need for now is to change the strings. I can't stand roundwounds, not after Nez and Nimis. It's kind of different playing Annabella coz of the roundwounds though. Just trying to take it in stride for the time being. Well, she's definitely an aggressive one on the amps. Ballsy tone. Guess I'm an extremely happy kid, despite running all over the island today, just to fulfill this wish.

Next up, Nordy MM4.2 and ACG EQ02! Along with RDM cables and most importantly, Sadowsky black label flatwounds. Heh.

Had a great night out with the younger ones tonight. Took some pics with Darren and we've come across the notion that IS is indeed a God-send. And yeah, had a funny time with the ghost stories in the middle of the dark there. Gonna miss Nana when she's over in Aussie though. Hear that NANA?! Hurhur.

Alright, somebody's being missed greatly. More so than Rocky! (: YOU!

2009-06-13T02:52:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: McFly - Five Colours In Her Hair.

Listening to this now for the sake of it. I'm honestly so tired of everything and I need a reprieve, hence the mindless fast song that is jumpy.

Just got home from a long chat with Cedric and Val at DS. Was really fun just sitting there and talking till late.. Makes me want to get my bike more, so I won't have to worry about cabbing home and all. Heh. More incentive!

I've been trying to be more patient in camp but sometimes, it just isn't helping. So much so that everybody seems to be against me at times, with the exception of maybe one or two people max. It honestly sucks when nobody appreciates what you're doing and it's worst when people blame you for what goes wrong, despite you trying to solve the situation on hand that was never really your concern anyway. I wish I could just beat them, but I believe I'm better than that. Until proven otherwise. By myself.

Today, I came face-to-face with the fact that sometimes, life screws you despite your plans. And that nothing ever goes according to plan, no matter how many fail-safes and backups you have. How did I do this today? I CAME FACE TO FACE WITH MY MPTS WING COMMANDER. ACROSS MY HOUSE. I mean, I know that he stays across me, but I've avoided all contact with him whatsoever the past year and more, but to complete my week of shit, I meet the man who put me in the hellhouse called 6SIR. Congratulations Sebby. But somehow, meeting him was a blessing too I guess. Makes me proud to say I've trained under him, ran with him and kept up to his standards. I honestly miss the days of training under him in MPTS and though he did make my life miserable as it is now, as responsible as he is, I don't hold him to fault, much actually. Let bygones be bygones I suppose. Just a pleasant surprise to see him and just have a short superficial talk with him while withdrawing money at the ATM. Only way I'll manage to train under him again would be to sign on, but I suppose that's not really in my plans for the time being. Not anymore at least.

Today also brought about a lot of thoughts. The future holds things unexpected, and somehow, despite me saying that sometimes, you just don't have to worry too much and just try to look ahead and let nature take it's course, I'm honestly scared to death of what the future holds. I guess I'm just afraid of the plausible answer, as much as I'm searching for the answer. I'm afraid of what I'll find waiting, I'm afraid of what I'm looking for, as silly as that sounds. Ah, well, complications never did make for a peaceful mind.

Okay, Nez says goodbye in a day or two. She has had her time and play, it's time she moved on into the hands of someone who can care for her better than I can I guess, someone who can make her sing more beautifully than I ever could. Time to think of a name for the incoming one though. Maybe rename the other too. Stupid as it sounds to name instruments, but it just makes me treasure them more somehow. Weird that it's with inanimate objects though. But hey, I'm joining the Ray family, with Bryandt and John. Heh, 3 'Ray players.

Alright, it's time to play around with Nez now before I go to bed, as tired as I am. It might be the last 24 hours. I guess I'm hoping it is. I just want to be rid of some memories and this should help with that somehow.

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?

2009-06-08T21:11:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Vanessa Williams & Brian McKnight - Love Is.

Been hooked on this for quite a few days already, as is usual with me lately, getting stuck on songs. Sappy songs once more, haha.

Camp updates will have to come later, it's getting late here.

It's booking in time! And I'm honestly dreading it with my entire being.

Why can't some things just be said out? Darn.

And your presence has been missed greatly. If only you knew.

2009-06-05T01:15:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: James Morrison (Feat. Nelly Furtado) - Broken Strings.

Been seriously stuck on this song the past couple of days, though a new song has taken it's place since last night. I guess I'm really becoming a sucker for sappy songs and such. Sigh.

I'm really tempted to trade/sell Nez for a new bass. I just don't find it a joy to be playing her already, sad to say. Just not cutting it for me, sound-wise and the weight has been killing my back for the past few practices that have stretched time. Going back to 4 would be good and fun I suppose. Really what I'm looking forward to, except that I might wind up with a 5 again though.

Today, I realised that my 17-50 is a great walkabout lens, except for the range. Hmm, already have something in mind but it'll take time and that can be done at leisure I suppose. Only thing is that, I'll probably keep the 17-50 for it's constant F2.8 aperture. Such a lovely thing, haha. Bokeh!

The first match of Finals is later on and I'm still not asleep. I wonder if I'll even be able to get up and catch it. I honestly feel so drained from everything in camp and out. I've been questioning myself whether it's worth helping out and doing everything I've done so far and sadly, I think I know the answer isn't what I want it to be. It's just a bad scenario when something has to be forced and that's how I feel right now. Either I feel compelled to do something, or I'm just all-out forced to do it anyway. What's the difference? Do the people I'm doing it for appreciate it? Does my presence make a difference to them? Or is it just this whole thing about using someone and milking what they have to give for what it's worth while they're around? I'm just so frustrated inside at all that's happening. It just might be a matter of time before keeping calm fails.

I haven't been spending too much time with family. Honestly, I wish this wasn't the case, but family feels estranged somewhat, sometimes. It's just that after so many years, it's hard to change things. Perhaps this was how it was meant to be and maybe it's better this way, that I be more independent and conscious about family like that.

I honestly don't know what's seriously bothering me so much that I cannot get to sleep tonight. It has been this way for a little while, me wasting my energy on staying online and waiting for sleep to consume me, for me to fall unconscious in bed with the soft music playing still. Too much has been going on, too much has been on my mind. This isn't good, for me, for anyone else around me.

The one thing I've always been afraid, and will continue to be afraid of, is to lose the friendships I've made through the years. After every single relationship, I've realised that I've rarely ever talked to any of the former girlfriends. It's not that I don't try to, it's the reverse I think. Maybe it's a whole cycle of avoidance and all because of the hurt and all but sometimes, I just wonder, was I really that bad off that you can't even talk to me now? I guess I'll never know. As such, I guess I am afraid of losing friendships, especially those that mean a lot to me, and especially so for people whom I'm really close to. Some things are just too big to risk and I honestly do not know if the risk is ever worth taking. Val said that sometimes, there's just no right or wrong time. But I believe that time will tell, somehow. Even until the day that I know I've missed my chance at something, time would still tell. Committing virtual suicide is not all it's made out to be.

Alright, I'm babbling already and that's a very bad sign. It's time for me to continue listening to some songs and sleep if I can, I suppose.

So much more inside.

2009-05-29T13:23:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Adele - Chasing Pavements.

I realised that my typing isn't very good when I lack sleep. Motor functions seem to slow down when people don't get adequate rest, no?

Ever had a day when you woke and thought to yourself maybe you'd be better off dead? I'm tired as heck from everything. Every little thing. It's all just so darn irritating but I choose not to voice it out specifically and yet, I feel better than I did before, hiding behind this veil, like everything will be alright in the end, even when I'm not certain how things will turn out, not in the slightest. I truly wonder what's gotten into me. Is it just being carefree or is it ignorance and leaving things to burn? Are we truly our worst enemies? These inner conflicts aren't stopping and I doubt they're going to stop anytime soon.

It's been such a long time and still, remorse cuts in like a knife. I suppose friends that backstab you are truly hard to forgive. Talking to Becks last night over MSN was interesting enough that it brought back memories of just how long ago everything has been. Absolutely amazing. And I said something that I realised was true: I'm not the most forgiving person, despite being very patient. I believe in second chances, but I don't know just how forgiving I can ever truly be. I've come to see this part of me as something detrimental to my personal growth, not knowing how to let go and just let sleeping dogs lie. It's been such a journey, the past couple of years, learning everything I have, in church and otherwise. I just wish there was more in life to guide me.

Times like these, I'm truly thankful for Boomy, Val, Eugene, Darren, Matty, Carol, Zena, Bryandt. Especially Boomy. Thanks loads mate, for the talks, the advice and all. It's my fortune to be able to call you my friend and be able to learn from you things that I otherwise would not have learnt or ventured into. The talks on growing up and all, I suppose they always hit home when you're the one talking about it, which isn't always the case with others. Likewise, I think I truly am able to be myself in the presence of the people named above, including a few others too. Thank you all, for making a difference in my life thus far.

I think I'm on the verge of breaking down. It's all too much to take.

Maybe one day you'll know what it was like for me.

2009-05-24T13:46:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jason Wade - You Belong To Me.

Been kind of stuck on sappy songs once more. Should be a good thing I guess, considering I think I need to lighten up a little on the thinking and all.

CJC and NIE static display visits went well I suppose, with the exception that I've an annoying ringing in my ears still, despite it being days since we ended. I'm really concerned about my hearing now, because I just took a hearing test last week and realised I can only listen up to 16KHz. The usual is from 20Hz-20KHz. Shat.

It's been a really tiring few days in camp, despite it not even being a full week, plus we had nights out every night after the displays. But still, I am not getting enough sleep as it is. Been too preoccupied helping Kumar and Sara with planning out the cohesion when I can, trying to get other stuff done up too, worrying about CYF's PnW session and practices, wondering about ED's fundraiser and upcoming Con2 camp. It's just so much to handle. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? Was telling Tricia that day about how somethings can be allowed to slide in order to let other more important things at hand be solved. Turns out I'm in a similar situation but I didn't realise it. At least now I do. I'm just hoping that I'll manage to do what I can to help out with whatever needs to be done. Read on my cousin's web that there's a distinct difference between giving your all, and giving your best. I shan't elaborate, but it definitely set me thinking.

I'm honestly tired from the nonsense from people in camp. My fuse seems to be getting trimmed shorter and shorter each time I return to camp. I believe many others are like that too, which culminated in Clement hitting Eugene whilst we were all in the midst of dinner at Botak Jones last week. Everybody's on the edge and I think we're all sick and tired of the amount of bullshit from camp life. Something needs to be done, and soon. I don't need a fight on my hands.

Alright, it's time to head out to meet Kumar and Sara nearby to settle the cohesion chalet foodstuffs. I can only pray for patience and anger management at the chalet, with regards to some idiot(s).

There's so much more I have to say, but nothing's coming out. Is it the wrong time? I think maybe it is.

2009-05-19T13:04:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Incubus - Anna Molly.

Been stuck on this song for yesterday. Miss it so.

Also, started back on Daft Punk because it was HBFS was one of the songs playing during the Harlem Globetrotters intro, haha. Nice. Globie was dancing to it and Michael Jackson, haha. All in all, it was a night to remember for me. It was funny watching the on-court antics and at the end of the night, the conclusion is that they are all a bunch of great entertainers, specialising in basketball. Very much like in the sport of wrestling, where it's pre-planned, but everybody goes on along with it. Their athleticism was eye-opening though, along with the energy from the crowd. Really enjoyed the show.

Talked to Boomy for quite a bit yesterday. As he said, he likes picking my brain. I wonder how much is there inside anyway. There're so many questions I have and yet, I guess everybody has their own questions and we're all seeking the answers. I suppose I need to get my act together, to grow up and start taking better care of myself so I can take care of others better, as Boomy said.

Thinking of popping by Jaben's later to try out stuff but I know I shouldn't, not with resources as it is now. I just remembered how I managed to down my bank account this month so quickly. It's another 3 weeks so I suppose I could lock myself at home most of the time. I think I should really post a WTS ad for the powershot now though, try to get back some money into my account. SIGH.

Reminds me, I think it's time to start getting back into shape. Round is not a shape for me, I've decided. Not at this age and perhaps never for me, if I've anything to say about it. Guess routine was always a good plan and breaking routine wasn't. The past month has been spent drinking on weekends and I think that it's taking it's toll on me, asides from my wallet. Sucks to be me right now I guess, haha.

Alright, I'm getting an interconnect later at 6 at Queensway, hopefully this one doesn't die on me. I seriously think I need to stop breaking stuff. 2 LoDs died on me in 3 weeks, damn it. Any kind soul out there who is willing to help me solder stuff? Haha. Perhaps I should just go get it done myself, easier that way perhaps. And I need to start taking better care of my electronics and gear. It's getting too darn expensive to keep breaking my ICs and what not. AHHHH. I'm immensely irritated at the state I'm in now.

I should really sell off the powershot ASAP I suppose. Okay, I'll give myself a few weeks to decide, either Carol gets to use it, or it gets sold to HJ or it'll be on a WTS ad on Clubsnap soon.

Tomorrow's CJC visit and Thursday is NIE visit. I still have no idea what I'm doing, hopefully just security detail. And I heard that on Friday, we're going to Kranji camp to do some shit thing that we all have to do before ORD. Hopefully that means early book-out, though I'm not too sure about that. SIGH. It's only 115 more days but it seems so long more. I'm honestly tired of having to handle some morons in camp. I've an idiot who tells me "EHH, why you never come yesterday? Cannot disturb you leh.." Yeah, like that's what I want to hear upon coming back to camp after 2 days of MC coz I'm sick. Thanks a whole lot man. As I said, some morons. Majority are nice and normal, just a few idiots who blur the line between mentally disabled and just plain dumb. Perhaps both.

Okay, this post is getting too long for people to read perhaps. Shall stop here and continue when I'm back over the weekend or something.

And I miss you more whenever I think about you.

2009-05-18T03:06:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: FM Static - Moment Of Truth.

I suppose I am waiting for the moment of truth, of sorts.

It's been such a tiring week. Being sick and juggling everything else at the same time has been hell on me, not giving me enough time to recuperate and rest. PnW Practice has been stressful, getting on my nerves every so often, just taking me out of my mindset of playing. It's just so distracting and saddening to have to need to deal with all these issues at hand. Also, there's just so much to be done and nobody seems to be able to take a step in the direction we need to move towards in preparation for this session. Politics, emotions, personal grudges, I know I can't do anything about all these but could we try to keep it all to a minimal and remember that we're doing this session for the younger members?

I'm, honest-to-God, dead-tired from all the things that have been happening. I'm just too tired to continue with this journey for now. Stepping back was meant for me to take a break. I guess it never occurred to people. I'm utterly disappointed with how things have been going, how things have translated themselves over the past week or two. I've unanswered questions as well and I suppose it'd be best if I could get those answers soon, regarding this mess recently.

Think I might need to get some quality shut-eye. I can barely wait for this evening. Alright, I realy really need to go, my head's hurting already.

2009-05-13T00:06:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: Boyzone - I Love The Way You Love Me.

Nice old song. Am I getting too into sappy songs? Haha, brings some thoughts to mind.

It's a bad feeling to be sick. My throat's itching like crazy and I can't do anything about it! Being on MC for two days is utterly disgusting and boring because everybody else doesn't seem to be free or anything. AHHH. Tomorrow's CO vetting for the static display and no, I won't be around still either. I'l be home in bed either sleeping or online stoning once again. Damn it.

I'm tired and yet, sleep's getting hard to come by. I only fall asleep by tiring myself out nowadays. It just doesn't feel right.

Had a talk with Dad yesterday over lunch. First time I've actually talked to him about his work and all, how dissatisfied he was working under his new boss who just came in two years ago. But yeah, maybe yesterday was a good start to getting to know my family better, after all these years. I suppose some priorities should be set right in my life for now. I honestly don't know. I still feel a little envious when I see peoples' picture-perfect families. Perhaps it's all just wishful thinking on my part. The last few nights and days have given me much to think and reflect upon I guess. I should honestly be appreciative of what I have now, even if it isn't very much. But hey, at least I have a bare little bit of something and that can't be worse than having 100% of nothing. That much I know. Running away isn't the answer anymore I suppose. Time will tell the answers.

Took a really expensive cab ride this evening for practice. Realised that I most likely have dropped my zippo on the cab while getting out when I riding shotgun in Addy's car for supper. Darn it. But still, I guess this incident does speak to me on a slightly deeper level than just losing something. Sure, it was a present with sentimental value, but perhaps putting those old feelings and cares aside would be the best for me. It meant a lot because it was a present, but yeah, no point crying over spilt milk now. Time to start afresh. Shall go scout for a new zippo soon.

Currently considering between the Crumpler 6 or 7 Million Dollar Home and the Oakley Surf Pack 5.0. Verdict given has been Oakley. So I guess Oakley FTW this time. Maybe I'll get the Crumpler 7 Million Dollar Home when money's more accessible. Not a must for it, as long as the Oakley has a compartment big and well-padded enough to hold a tube which is 2/3 the length of a Pringles can and equal in diameter. Heh.

I can hardly wait for the weekend to arrive so I can shoot more pictures as well as for Monday to arrive. I'm just too eager for it. But it's going to be such a once in a lifetime thing I think. Ah well.

Sometimes, committing suicide seems so close to being accomplished. Temptation, temptation. And no, I'm not talking about suicide literally. Metaphorically-speaking only. At least for this time.

I think I should be trying to get some sleep now. I really need to rest up.

2009-05-09T01:28:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Tower Of Power - Diggin' On James Brown.

Got turned to Tower Of Power by Raymond. Groovy stuff.

It's been a long week in camp, first time in ages that I've been in camp the entire five working days in camp. But then again, the next two weeks are going to be two day work weeks for me, HAHA. Just got to be patient with everything that's working out in camp. We're deploying out again and hopefully, I can work out the deployment schedule and work wonders again. But it's just irritating to have this suddenly pop out of nowhere, because of SD5's incompetence and inability to work with each other cohesively and with the use of each others' brains. Getting caught for stupid reasons seems to be the highest on their list of achievements in the battalion/company thus far. And I intend to keep SD4 on a clean slate as far as possible for this last deployment.

I managed to play some ball in camp the past two nights. It's been great I suppose, with an exceptional passer like Kiat around. I guess I'm lucky to have been on his team for both days. Managed to work my way inside, but I realise that I can't find open spaces , not find paths to cut into. Maybe it's just with the platoon people, that's all. But it's definitely affecting me. My shooting has been very bad too, as evident from last Saturday and the past two days. I need to do something about that soon I suppose. Get more regular games into the "training schedule" somehow, at night.

Next Thursday is x-country. Haven't ran in ages and I'm feeling ambitious, aiming to complete the 5km in 20mins if possible, but possibly 22-23mins. Don't know if I can hit the 20mins portion. Should be able though, I suppose. Hopefully I prove myself. And apparently, maybe everyone in the company thinks that MPs cannot run. I've been asked by the platoon to just go ahead and join the competitive group for the x-country run and see how it goes. I feel tempted to do so, but the lack of training is getting to me. But then again, the comp group starts earlier and ends earlier too! Meaning I waste less time at Macritchie! Hurhur. This is irritating. But then again, x-country's the reason for the two day work week next week. I'm definitely looking forward to it!

Okay, I should probably go get some quality sleep now. It's been an entire week since I've had quality sleep at night, due to the amazingly insidious number of mozzies in camp. I've been bitten all over my body, every single night, and as a result, I haven't been able to get much sleep at all in camp. Therefore, hopefully I manage to catch up on more sleep these next two weeks..

"How does this start? How will it end?"

2009-05-03T02:34:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: All 4 One - I Swear.

Just currently listening to this, amidst the lightning flashes and thunderclaps. Feeling a sense of nostalgia from this song, as well as from hearing a whole bunch of oldies today while out at Venezia. Nice.

Today started off badly, ball was pretty horrendous to me and I completely lost the will to play. It just wasn't fun, nor was it coordinated. And I utterly had no control over how I wanted things to go in some aspects, so it was just bad game after bad game. I tried, but it wasn't enough.

Went out with Matty and Addison to eat at Don's, followed by Venezia. It's been such a darn long time since I ate there. Memories of the past gone by. But yes, that's gone and done with. Had beer at Don's as well, along with the pizza and bratwurst. Dinner was simply at Mos and Carol, Matty and I went to Harry's at Velocity after that. Had more beer, accompanied by wings. Great stuff, really enjoyed the company and the atmosphere was good for the chat and all, haha. More such talks! And definitely a must for the Udders to meet up for ice cream soon, along with a meal.

I guess tonight's talk did leave me with some thoughts. Good or bad, that's for me to find out in time perhaps.

I've decided to sell of Nez, for sure. My mind's made up. I just don't see myself using that low B often enough to justify keeping it for now. Hopefully I can sell it without going too low beyond my asking price. Going to use the cash to get either a EBMM Stingray from Geos or import in a Sterling from BGW. Then, it'll be mod-time, with a pup swap and preamp drop-in. Heh. I'll still be keeping Nimis so I suppose I'll have a difference between my fretless and fretted, just want a different tone in my head. Guess re-inventing my sound's an expensive road I'm going down. Bass POD XT Live next week probably!

"Some things you can't see until it gets too late."

2009-05-01T01:46:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: Matchbox Twenty - Bright Lights.

Currently loving this song along with John Mayer, Jamiroquai and some other miscellaneous songs sent from someone.

I'm really tired. Honestly, I think today was possibly one of the worst possible off days. It wasn't all that bad, but at the end of it all, I felt terrible. It's just the overall mood and how things can change so fast. I don't know. Feeling helpless is one thing, feeling like things have changed for the worst is another, and finally, it's this feeling of being lost amidst everything. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe it's a sign to stop..

Last week, I was sick and tired. Literally and figuratively. I get the feeling it's going to be that way for quite a while. I can only hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Alright, time for me to catch my forty winks before I start screaming into the phone to whoever wakes me up later in the morning.

At the end of the day, I know my life's changed and it's you I want to be happy.

2009-04-29T22:58:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: John Mayer - Back To You.

It's been a short three days in camp again, and once more, I'm back home for a long weekend. Nothing much planned except it's Sis' birthday the day after tomorrow but she will be overseas. Oh well. Minor plans like L4D with Jon, Matty, Shawn, Mel and some others too I suppose, since Jon wants a match. Ball on Saturday as well.

Tomorrow's only Thursday, for crying out loud. It seems like time is passing so slowly. Another four months and twelve days before it's all over.

It seems to me like I'm losing my patience more easily these days with people in camp. Why do little things affect me like that? And yet, it all feels so justified. Nick and I think it's that we've been stuck in camp together for too long, hence the friction among people. I think maybe I'm not trying hard enough to be objective at times. It's just so easy to get carried away with getting angry with somebody and staying that way, because those people never seem to learn their lessons, and it's just repeated over and over and over. I just hope that things will get better soon enough, without any intervention or trouble.

I feel like a mix/mess of emotions. How should I be feeling now that the date is approaching faster? With so many things that have happened, my life's getting thrown into twists that I don't want there. I simply can't work out these kinks and straighten out the rope of my life. It feels so strange. Maybe things have a way of working out, despite it being a bad thing. Perhaps it was just one small part of an equation gone bad, maybe it's just a minor algorithm that made this whole thing go bad, hence making the scenario in front of me seem so screwed up at times. Maybe I just need a new perspective on things. Anybody wanna shed some light? Hah. Thanks to those who've tried to help and cheer me up all along, these past few months. I really appreciate it all.

More sometime soon perhaps..

2009-04-26T00:29:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You.

Been listening to this since last night. Nice.

It's been a tiring day, basketball, followed by lunch with Val, Qing and their friend Kai Shing, L4D with Mel and Christabel before mass, dinner with Sarah, Deb and Janna then ice cream with them. But somehow, I feel better than two days ago. It's been quite a thought-provoking process the past few days. But oh well, I guess it's somewhat settled in for me now. I just need a sign.

I have so many things in mind right now that I might not be in the right frame of mind. Then again, maybe keeping things simple isn't always the way to go. Simplicity never always did work to it's best with me sometimes. I wonder why.

I suppose ball did brighten up my day, despite a really off-day of shooting and all. Felt like I was really struggling with keeping awake for the games, plus the fact that I was aching all over somehow. But after everything, I guess I did feel better. I suppose ball's a good outlet for destressing for me.

Okay, I'm headed off to bed already, mass later on and it's book-in day, darn it. Dreams of phat, funky tones, Harlem Globetrotters and whispered lyrics.

2009-04-23T22:34:00.006+08:00

Trackspin: Fastball - Are You Ready For The Fallout?

Could someone please explain how voluntarily doing something or going somewhere can have such disastrous consequences to your own emotional and mental stability? Could some things change so much that it causes you to doubt what you used to believe in? Do you actually believe all the things that are being told to you, without question? Hell, do you even believe what you are saying anymore?

At the end of today, the only words that hit me at the moment are "Do they even matter?"

I'm left just wondering how am I supposed to work with people like that.

I'm honestly quite sick and tired, literally, and figuratively. Enough is probably enough. I shall not rant on anymore here. It isn't worth it. You aren't worth it.

2009-04-21T16:27:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Rob Thomas - Little Wonders.

Today brought about a brand new train of thought. Made me wonder if I should give up on some stuff. I don't know. It's a bad time and I guess some minor practice today really made me feel like killing myself already. I think I really need a teacher for bass soon. I feel stuck and there's nothing else I can do by myself that actually seems worthwhile. Talking to Cedric and Val the past few days has left me with and overwhelming sense of unaccomplishment, that I've stagnated for so long despite being in ED, despite having played for so long. Complacency comes to mind and the lack of a teacher and discipline could be the other crucial factors here as well. I just feel like nothing's working out right lately. Even with regards to ED and my bass-playing. Sigh.

More to come soon, if I bother typing another entry in when I next book out. Shall ask WO Francis for Friday off again, need some alone time..

Anyway, scroll downwards and go watch the two Jamiroquai videos. Enjoy the fatness of the bass tone.

2009-04-20T19:27:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: John Mayer - No Such Thing.

Been listening to this song for a day or two, along with Jamiroquai still. I think I'm still very much stuck on them, as opposed to my Tool/RHCP listening a year or so ago. Perhaps it's a good thing for me, bass-wise, listening widely. Just that I've to really start practicing more for bass as well. Been kind of neglecting it I think. Started listening to George Michael too though, because Paul Turner used to play for him. Not too bad, quite a few nice songs as well. More for me to feed on I suppose!

It's been a good time this weekend, except that I missed April Affairs at DblO with the platoonmates and the APD guys. Ah, just as well, considering I've been feeling sickly the past couple of days as well. Got through both days of the Con2 event rather successfully I'd say, just that we have some stuff to clear up soon, in preparation for the Con2 camp and for ED's upcoming event.

Here are two really good reasons why I'm so in love with Jamiroquai. Check it out if you would. Listen out to the basslines and the sweet sweet tone of it.

Currently praying that Lakers will end off this season to the best of their ability and not wind up as "nuah" as last year's playoffs. Kobe's doing great this season and the Lakers should be able to get to the playoffs, considering how the playoff contenders are stacked. Can't really foresee much competition in the Western Conference I guess, now that Spurs are lacking Manu. Cavs seem to be strong though, ending the regular season well. Cross our fingers and hope for the best!

Okay, I'm still feeling very under-the-weather and don't feel like booking in. I think I should just go to the doctor and get an MC or something. Sucks to be feeling so feverish and breaking out in cold sweat so much. Alright, shall have more to type on the next time around, I hope.

To those who started/resumed school today, hope you all had a good first day at school and that this semester will be a good and fruitful one with your studies. All the best with academics!

2009-04-12T02:15:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jason Mraz - Please Don't Tell Her.

Another nice song by Mr.A-Z.

Holy week hasn't been to eventful but hey, I'm definitely okay with that. I think my mood's starting to sway back and forth easily again. Haven't had too much to focus my energies on, been just getting frustrated easily with simple things/situations.

Didn't get to change my phone this weekend, apparently there's an island-wide lack of the phone I want today. Maybe I'll just wait for the bloody 21 months to be over. Was seriously pissed at it despite there being nothing I could do about it. And my iPod's still not back yet. Two entire weeks already, plus another week to go. Utterly screwed up.

Had supper with Big Ben, Val, Eug and Jea. Was good just catching up here and there and talking I guess. Ball this morning wasn't shoddy either. Felt pretty good with my shots so I guess I'll take it anyday. Just got to find a way to get more consistent production.

"The truth is waiting to be known."

Alright, I gotta go crash, brain isn't functioning right anymore for the moment.

2009-04-08T23:26:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Jamiroquai - (Don't) Give Hate A Chance.

Just got back from supper not too long ago wtih Janna, Deb and Sarah. Was quite fun though supper was kind of disturbed by a bunch of indian ladies/women beside us who kept laughing retardedly loudly and disturbed our peace. I did a few things that the others saw and laughed at though. Heh. Subtlety is not lost upon us it would appear.

Playground was okay i guess, except it was deathly quiet, but then again, it was 10pm.

Highlight of the day was probably Marley and Me, along with finally catching the Saturday portion of AS Weekend. Didn't manage to catch ASG itself but it's okay I suppose, not a big deal. There's always next year's to watch as well, haha. Company was the best with Tricia and Rocky. Rocky's still cute as ever, and honestly, I think he knows when a camera is pointed in his direction. Heh.

Only downer for the day was a really big one. Mum just broke the news to me. Guess all I can say is that I kind of saw it coming, but yes, I'm not surprised. Maybe we all saw it coming as a family. Worried as heck now, but that's not going to help anything, nor solve anything. Apply Murphy's Law here. Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. And now, add in "at the worst possible time" and you've just about got it right.

Okay, I'm rather tired, going to grab some shut-eye soon. A less cryptic entry soon I suppose.

2009-04-05T08:38:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: Jason Mraz - Clockwatching.

Another nice song.

Yesterday wasn't a good day. Multiple incidences of bad timing and bad meeting ups. And realisation of having been lied to every single step of the way set in yet again. Those in the train who knew what it's about, I guess it's self-explanatory. If it'd happened overseas, maybe a mafia-style killing would have entered into mind, because there's just so much I would have loved to do.

I absolutely hate it. How people can so blatantly lie to you, over and over again, without a care at all. The hurt, it cuts deep into you and each time you learn about the lies, the wounds don't close, they just split and open up wider. More and more, uncovered each time, resulting in you feeling the hurt each and every time something reminds you of your past and the so-called "mistakes" you've made. There are three lanes from that point onward:

1- You choose to wallow in self-pity, pain and don't get over it yet. You will, eventually, but you choose to feel the hurt to remind yourself that you're only human. Mistakes are a part and parcel of life. After time, you carry on with life.

2- You get angry and want to hurt the people who've hurt you. Terribly. Eventually, you'll see that there's no point in remaining angry, because what's done is done and those people might have had their reasons for hurting you. But you still have that little knot in you that tells you to abandon your self-restraint and just beat the shit out of those people or something along those lines.

3- You pick yourself up immediately, tell yourself that tomorrow will be a better day, learn to live with your mistakes, along with the mistakes that others made, resulting in the hurt you've experienced. "Look to this day, for a day well-lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness."

This last line meant a lot to me, coming from somebody. I truly believe that living well everyday will make your memories that much sweeter and maybe a tad more memorable. Despite all the problems I had yesterday, despite the bad things that happened, I still believe I lived the day well, in my opinion. Including getting wasted, puking and all, I did enjoy myself too, the company was the best I could ask for. I wouldn't change anything from yesterday at all. Not in the world. Well, maybe only one thing, but that's another whole different story.

With regard to the 3 lanes you take on deciding how to face up to your problems, I don't know which mine really is. I believe that I'm still choosing to face the pain because of mistakes I've made and that one day, I might be able to forgive myself for all that's happened. At the same time, I want to hurt that "other" party, very much so. But that's just a waste of time, is a complete waste of effort and would do no good for my reputation. It would have been easy to just do that last night too. All I had to do was to turn around and start something. But right now, I think I'm going along with the last option. I'm choosing to live my life for what it's worth right now, accepting that what's been done cannot be changed. Nothing will ever change the fact that people do what they do for the weirdest reasons. I guess I don't really care anymore either.

Someone else recently told me to be cheerful and remain optimistic despite the happenings in camp. Thank you very much for that, it means a whole lot to me, because it did put some things in perspective in my life for me. I guess I need to at least TRY to be happy, for my own sake, if not for others around me too. Thanks a million, truly.

I wish last night could have been better, with the missing people from ED around. Your presences were sorely missed, amidst the celebrations. People like Boomy and family, Arnold and family, Raymond, Darren, Joachim.

Alright, time for breakfast. Alcohol retention from last night's dinner caused me to puke every single thing out I believe. Almost literally puking my guts out perhaps, haha. Stomach's calling out for food right now so I guess I'll go hunt for whatever is edible at home right now. More on my mind but I guess it'll have to wait for my next post when I get back from camp and all during the week. And I seriously want my Blackberry. Before I go, there are a few shout-outs for a bunch of people below.

Joy: If you read this, congrats on your getting accepted into NUS. Hope you will be happy with your choice of studies and the decisions you make in life. Live life for what it's worth and stay happy. That'll be the best advice I could ever have given to you, amongst the crap and nonsense we've talked about all those times. Take care and God bless.

Eternal Dawn: Thank you all, for being that second family to me. It has been a great time having played with all the great talents each and every year, each time being a different experience, with the coming and going of the musicians and singers, each bringing their own special bit to the group. Cheers to us as a band and that we may never forget who we're playing for, that we will always keep our heads on straight on our role in the youth scene. We may lose sight of our objectives at times, but everybody stumbles. Important thing is, we must get up and focus on the reason we exist. Individually, we might not be the best to do a task like this, but I believe we've all received a calling, to bring our gifts and to reach out to the youth through our music, as one. (: Thanks once again you all, much love to each and every one, past and present.

Eugene: Thanks for being there man. Good to know that we both went out with the intention of getting wasted. Perhaps more next time, but later into the night or something. Haha.

Marianne: Hey kid, just wanted to tell you that this post is partially dedicated to you too. Sounds like you've been having a whole lot of problems lately and I hope you don't go down that road again. I know it isn't nice and I honestly don't think it's like you to do all that. Try to cheer up? I'm around if you ever need to rant or just to talk to, and I believe that many of your friends would gladly be your listening ears too. (:

Val: Hullo hullo! -winks- HAHA. Thanks for being around last night and I'm sure you enjoyed your night eh? Will forward you pictures soon, HAHA. Thanks for always being the listening ear too.

Tricia: Boo missy! You might be surprised to have this shout-out to you but yes, don't be. Thanks for the constant reminders to stay happy, haha. I'm already trying though! You should stay happy and cheerful too okay? (: Wednesday!

2009-03-27T11:15:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jamiroquai - Twenty Zero One.

It's been a horribly boring week in camp. Been slacking quite a fair bit but I hit the gym with Lai and the others twice that day and now, I'm stuck with a right leg that's slightly draggy because I think I pulled a muscle or something. My hamstring just doesn't feel right for now. Hopefully it goes away in time for Saturday.

The worst part about this week in camp so far is that my ipod died. Or rather, the main menu button died. And for a touch, it's just disgustingly irritating to not have the main menu button because I have to manually unlock my ipod every time I want to change a track or stop or play it. Got to go get it fixed/replaced later and it'll take at least 3 working days I think. This utterly sucks.

It's really strange how life is, that sometimes, you can help others when they're stuck in a situation that is just like yours, but you can't help yourself at all. Is it just life's weird way to tell you that you need your friends around for support or is it just that I haven't found the solution to my problems? It's really been bugging me for quite a fair bit the past week. And with everything that happened, it's definitely been quite a terrible week in my books. I'm sick, tired, aching, irritated, unhappy, all rolled into one.

Received the new uniforms and for crying out loud, I could swear the army wants it's soldiers to look as though Popeye the Sailor coated them with a load of his spinach-laden puke. Boomer anybody? And they're so fricken cheap that they refused to put on the marksmanship badges for us, meaning now I've to get another set of badges for the new sets of uniforms, darn it. Absolutely worst thing is, just having received the new uniforms, the battalion has to have a bloody parade, JUST BECAUSE WE GOT THE NEW UNIFORMS. A complete waste of time and effort. I guess the higher ups want to see what it looks like looking at greenery in the parade square.

I absolutely feel that I should not have went for practice last night somehow. It just didn't seem right.

I'm so looking forward to Saturday morning, next Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat. Currently eagerly awaiting for payday to arrive but it seems to be taking forever. No choice since I spent a bomb on my specs and my camera this month I suppose. Time to start saving up for my trip instead. No more DSLR for the trip, the powershot will just have to do. Bass POD XT Live coming in soon as well, 2nd hand. Perhaps the most wasteful thing I'll be spending on next will be my Livewires. Quite confirmed on it already, plus I'll probably go get a pair of Null Audio cables for it. That should be the end of things for a while. Also contemplating getting a DS from DX, because he doesn't seem to be playing it at all already. I've been playing it whenever we're both in camp and there's nothing for us to do but rot in bunk. Oh well, finances finances.

Started worrying last night about life after NS. What the hell am I going to work as and where at? Home again? I don't know if I can put up with it again, I seem to be on a shorter fuse nowadays. But the thing is, I used to be so happy working there and I truly felt that it was the company of the other floor servers that mattered the most. The management was good to us too, just with the exception of one person that seemed to PMS near-daily. But what's done is done, let bygones be bygones. Maybe I'll resume work there, maybe I'll look for something more stable and more "normal" for a short-term.

Someone please tell me why I feel so frustrated, irritated and upset? Because even I can't tell why either. It's such a stark contrast to the previous weekend. I'm honestly lost upon why I feel this way. It's keeping me awake at night too. Ah, to hell with it, I'm just about done with this entry for now. Sorry for the ranting you just endured reading, readers. Hopefully the next post will be a better one.

2009-03-21T01:24:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: The Script - I'm Yours.

Another nice song from them. Absolutely love this song. It says quite a fair bit.

I find that recently, I've been very easily affected by the ongoing events happening around me. Stuff in camp, stuff out of camp, it's been rather perturbing that my mood can be so easily swayed by just a couple of things that happen. But I suppose that just goes to show how fragile humans are, perhaps more so emotionally than physically.

I'm being psychoed into doing Standard Chartered this end-year. I really don't know if I should, considering yesterday, but I feel tempted to throw my life away just this once, for the heck of it.

Anyway, did ICSB qualification run yesterday. But more like qualification walk for me. Followed KahWei and Kelvin, former Taurus 3 mates. We decided that we'd all finish the 10km together, but Kelvin slowed down! Wound up he jogged and I walked beside him for quite some distance, plus he never really picked up his speed again. So yes, I'm not proud of my record of 54mins for 10km, but it's not too bad, considering it was more of a walk for me. Eugene came in at 46-47mins. I supposed I could beat that if I wanted to, considering I finished my last 8km run below 37mins. Guess I should try breaking his timing some time. I mean, I've been trying to do that all my life in NS thus far, always trying to crack others' records, or rather, those that are seemingly beatable. But yeah, some other time, because apparently my right ankle was hurt, somehow, during the run yesterday. It was hurting quite badly by the end of our first lap of 3km, but decided to just run and complete the 10km instead of falling out. Had to ice it after the run though. Darn it. I'm becoming more injury-prone somehow.

Did absolutely nothing in camp except be a marshaler for the route march in camp. Got angry and irritated at some stuff along the way, as well as before booking out. I don't know, I'm trying to keep my temper and all in check. Just because I'm usually the one who exercises patience and looking at the bigger picture above all things doesn't mean that I don't have a temper at all. It just means I'm in better control of holding back from scolding and blasting at people. But some people seem to really be pushing their luck. It's probably just a matter of time before I blow up at someone due to a small matter.

I had a short exchange over SMS today. Apparently, as usual, I can tell people what's the matter and how to take things in stride, but I can't do so for myself. Nuts.

2009-03-18T04:12:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: The Cardigans - Lovefool.

Been stuck on a Jason Mraz song for close to a week already. Another song that's been on my mind is The Script's I'm Yours.

Just got home and bathed, feeling a little tired but it's been a good night of dinner out with platoon-mates, as well as supper after that, which is the reason I got home so late.

I chanced across a phrase today: "Whoever looks outside, dreams. Whoever looks inside, awakens." There are so many aspects to life that this could be applied to, so many interpretations. I don't know, first thing that hit me was about being judgemental about other people. When we look outside, outwards at the other people around us, watching their every action, being so critical of them, we somehow expect them to be perfect, or there's some premeditated form of perfection that is expected somehow by being so critical of them. However, those looking inside, awakening, it just reminds me that perhaps instead of being critical of others, we could serve better by simply just looking at ourselves, at our daily actions, our daily responses to everyday events and learn from our own mistakes, to realise that we could be better than what we already are. It would be quite the wake-up call, wouldn't it? I guess it did wake me up.

Was that a forewarning of what could be? I honestly have no idea right now but what I do know is that I came prepared to lose everything, because I've lost it all before. Somethings are better left unsaid for now.

Alright, no more cryptic text for you all to decipher, it's time for me to nap. I didn't have a good field day with my camera in the dark. The amount of noise at ISO400 is killing my pictures. But I can't make the darn pictures any brighter unless I use the flash, which I'm pretty reluctant to do so, due to wanting to keep the lighting natural. HAIYA, irritating.

Okay, I'm so sleeping in for today. Good night you all.

2009-03-12T01:46:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Jason Mraz - Mr Curiosity.

I've been listening to RHCP and Jason Mraz quite a bit lately. One for bass, one for relaxing my mind. The Script's also really good listening on light days.

Anyway, I'm finally wearing my Oakley RX Corkscrew 2.1 Toast. Like finally, after 8 months of waiting. Got it yesterday after my lenses were done up. Bought the Powershot Pro 1 today as well, meaning I've spent a bomb just after payday yesterday. Seems like a good camera for now, except that it's ISO ability is quite limited and video recording is quite bad too. Should I have gone for the S5IS instead? Maybe, but I guess I was willing to give the L lens a chance, despite everything. Happy for now with purchases, heh. Nothing like retail therapy perhaps?

Just had supper with Nana after buying the camera. Managed to catch up a little bit, but it was better than nothing I guess. Bus stop talk made me think of some stuff again, but I guess that's okay. I suppose that I'm happy with where I am in life right now. Thanks for the talk Nana. (:

I wish that we all didn't have to grow up. The prospect of staying innocent and unknowing of the evils of the world as we grow up is too enticing. But I suppose everybody has to grow up and face the real world for what it is, sometime in their lives. Maybe it's just that time for me and some others now too. I suppose it's a good thing too, considering I've managed to sort out my thinking more clearly, lately.

I guess some time off from things can help a little at times. God knows I really needed a break and here I am, with close to a week of off and leave to clear. I guess I'm really thankful that things worked out how they have this week in camp thus far. We've managed to avoid all the crap and nonsense in camp, just slacking our way through the last three days, somewhat.

Okay, I seriously need to go get some shut-eye now. IT Show tomorrow with the platoon mates to see if I can find a cheap 2gb CF card for the Powershot. Some bass practice before I sleep as well.

EDIT: Okay, so it turns out that I've to be back in camp on Sunday night instead. No more deployment, due to some cockups. Darn it. Oh well, what the hell, not the first time the army has screwed up our lives. I feel rather sad about it because I was expecting to be deployed out. With this onset of bad news, there's definitely more to come, sadly. Shat.

2009-03-04T19:56:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: Lenny Kravitz - Lady.

Another nice song which might sound familiar to some.

I'm feeling rather brain-dead and drained from doing nothing at all today except heading for lunch at AMK Hub with Joaquim, just to get a quick catch-up session. Booking-in in a couple of hours time, leaving me wanting more time out of my day, wanting something more substantial asides from wasting my day away while waiting for people to reply phone calls or SMSes. I don't even have a good book to last my 2 fricken days in camp, darn it.

At least I managed to settle my thoughts on getting my Flak Jacket XLJ and the guy told me that hopefully, tomorrow, my spectacle frames will arrive, after much delay. It's been so long and yet, it's still only a maybe. With the possible incoming of it also, I've realized that I've to give up on my DSLR for the time being because of constraints. I suppose it'd be better for me to get a prosumer for now and just enjoy the time overseas for what it's worth and get the DSLR the next time around, because I'd still need to get the lenses I want for the trip, if I were to follow on with the DSLR path. Currently decided on the Powershot Pro 1 if it hasn't already been sold off by the guy. Only thing I'm rather hesitant about is that it's battery life is quite bad, so I've read. Hopefully I can still find spares around easily, though it's quite an old camera. SIGH.

Okay, I've been skipping a lot of meals lately. No real mood to eat perhaps. Ah hell.

Half the platoon's only booking in tomorrow night. I wonder what's in store for the other half of us booking in tonight. Hopefully there's nothing at all, allowing me to go for a run, as well as hit the gym with Kumar and whoever else wants to join too. Doesn't seem like a welcoming idea though, considering the people in my detail. I don't know, Charlie's going to book in tomorrow afternoon to deploy out to EMR. With the exception of Kumar and Sara in my detail, that means I'm left with mostly unsavoury characters. Okay, not that I'm putting people down, I'm just not as close to them, nor do I want to be influenced too much by them. Not the best people to mix around with, I'd honestly say. Good and fun people nonetheless though.

Okay, I've got to stop this post now and go get ready to grab my dinner on the way back to camp. I can't help but feel so helpless, like I'm somehow walking into a lion's den. And speaking of lions, I wonder when our Lion is coming back. Supposedly today, but he's still on crutches and I heard that he might extend his MC because of that. SIGH AGAIN. Okay, more updates when I'm out, I suppose, about ED gathering on Saturday as well as maybe me cooking again on Saturday morning before basketball again.

UPDATE: Okay, so my RX Corkscrew frames are finally here. The guy just messaged me and I'll be collecting them on Saturday. Finally, after 8 months of waiting, it's finally here. Only thing left is my Flak Jackets in 3 weeks time. Looking forward to that eagerly too, because I'll be able to don my Corkscrews only a week later, due to having to make a new set of lenses. Hur.

2009-03-02T20:02:00.005+08:00

Trackspin: The Script - Before The Worst.

I'm feeling oh-so-tired. It's not the usual fatigue from deployment, it's something else altogether. There's just so much I feel that isn't going well, isn't going right, in camp and out, with regards to my life. I wish I knew how to explain it all out, at least get it off my chest. Anyway, been talking to Charlie quite a bit. Seems like he's solved his problem, and I guess that I have too. It's been good talking to him about all that, despite him being such an unlikely person to talk about stuff like that. Cool beans though. Gonna miss the talk cock sessions when he's away in EMR next month though.

Been listening to The Script for quite a bit. The basslines are quite good stuff actually. I haven't been listening to very many songs as of late though. Perhaps just sticking with just a select few songs on my ipod. Just one of those slow times in life again I suppose.

I'm darn hungry now, haven't eaten lunch, nor dinner. Quite screwed up I guess, because I got cancelled out on only after reaching home. Quite upset about it but I guess it's not anything new. Not the first time anyway. Maybe I'll just head down to Gardens to grab a meal alone tonight or something later. I'm just quite sick and tired of certain things.

Speaking of meals, I can't help but keep thinking of Saturday's lunch. $50+ on lunch for myself, but it was all worth it. Every single cent, haha. The food was just that good and yes, once more, soon please.

I guess I solved one of the many issues I've been facing last night. It was quite a stupid issue, but I just had to press on about it. Perhaps it wasn't a smart idea, but hey, at least we both have our answers and I hope things will work out better this way now.

Realization hit me a few moments ago. I have very few close friends anymore, few that I can just even call out at any given moment just to go grab a bite or a meal. I guess that's just how things go.

Times like these, I really wish I had my license by now, as well as bike, so I can just get out of the house, anywhere I want to, without worry about time or distance, just stay out and have a quiet time alone maybe. Darn it.

Alright, I'm quite lost as to the purpose of this post, I'm probably just rambling on for no reason. Nothing's going right, maybe nothing will be right in the months to come, yet again.

2009-02-20T00:08:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Jamiroquai - The Kids.

Really interesting bassline for this song. Love it.

I feel like I'm musically challenged lately. Haven't felt like playing bass in a long time, haven't had the motivation to play or practice anything actually. And as a result, I did something really tragic today. I put my big red box of doom and Nez on classifieds, with the asking prices of $650neg and $1.5k respectively. I'm closing the deal for my big red box of doom at $600 tmr but I'm hesitant on getting rid of Nez. But I still have bad memories associated with her. I wonder if just selling my red box of doom and getting a preamp is good enough. Or should I just go for something else altogether? I'm also contemplating on selling of Nimis suddenly. Like start my rig from scratch again. But I think my mom's gonna kill me if she finds out haha. But then again, my parents aren't exactly the most supportive in my music either. Can't remember them ever having come to watch me play for anything, not even for BFC when ED planned and got it going. Quite depressing and demoralizing actually, considering I asked them down, including my godparents. Oh well, guess they have better things to do than to watch me play..

Hopefully with some form of cash influx, that means I can get my DSLR by this month. I'm still undecided on what. But if possible, I'd want the 40D still. And with the going away of my big red box of doom, it actually allows for it in my finances now, haha. Okay, time to save up first.

I really have no idea what is the reason for this sudden urge to sell my stuff but yes, it's not a good sign. Compulsive and randomness at it's worst in me for now.

Just heard from Kumar that the platoon might need to send 10 SD4 men with the 5 SD5 specs to ROC with SD5 men. I wonder why. I don't mind going at all, but I'm concerned that I'll just be there to get fucked like mad like any other men, since it's dwarf who's taking us there, not our beloved watermelon anymore. Plus digging shellscrapes and fire-trenches doesn't sound like fun when I've never done the latter before. Also, back injuries make for strenuous digging and it actually makes it hurt a whole lot worse, been there done that. So torn. I don't even know if I'll be selected for it, and much worse, I don't know if I can reject it, in the event that I am selected. But it'd be a good experience I suppose, excluding the route marches, camo-ing, digging and section movements. But as usual, we'll be providing the offense. Nothing new there. But it'd definitely be fun to be part of it.

Alright, I think I need some major form of entertainment and joy in my life to get rid of how I'm feeling. It's just a really weird feeling and I don't wish to feel like that.

2009-02-19T11:44:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: Patrice Rushen - Music Of The Earth.

It hasn't been a good 3 days of work. I just got news that I'm posted out to EMR again for the following month, deployed on 4/2. There goes my weekends, there goes everything they told us about. Bunch of fricken liars they are, no less. Yesterday was the breaking point where I realized that I honestly want to hurt someone really badly, be it physically or otherwise. And along the way, I've come to lose all form of respect for NSF officers. Especially the batch that just got commissioned about 2-3 months ago. Bunch of JC retards. I swear that asshole is the lowest form of life possible for an officer. I wonder how he even got into OCS, for crying out loud. He's at fault and yet, he doesn't apologize willingly, choosing to ignore his mistake, then coming to talk to me privately and telling me all that crap that he doesn't even know anything about. I took that as a threat, personally. And trust me, one more stupid "incident" is all it takes for me to light one big bonfire under his pants. Ignorant fuck-face, he's yet to come across a man who'll cause him problems he'll not be able to solve alone.

Apparently there are a whole bunch of officers around who think that men are of a lower class then them. Here's where I tell you they are not. For all you commanders, here's a hint: You got into OCS/SISPEC because you had a choice and you made that choice. Those in mono intakes did not have that luxury of a choice, and there are those who CHOSE not to follow the conventional route of going to OCS/SISPEC as well. This does not mean they are of any lower standard than you are. By viewing them as one step below you, you've already proven yourself unworthy of leading them, which is your role as a commander. So therefore, treat your men with respect and accept their views and actions too. Respect is earned, not given unconditionally. Lead them, strive to better your men through your own actions. Do not expect them to just blindly follow you just because you're of a higher rank than they are. Think before you do anything. And a final word, think of the consequences of your every action, because your men are watching you, observing to see if you are worthy of their respect and admiration as their commander.

On to other things, I think I really need to get a preamp for Nez already. It's been long put off and I think there're some issues with the pots and my jack, darn it. More money down the drain.

I think I might have found what I want in a camera. But it's not a Canon. Hmm, time to consider it properly I suppose. Yet more money going down the drain I suppose.

The upcoming week promises to be a bad one. The next month too. Under more pressure to clear SOC just to get the rank of CPL, coz the platoon needs a 2i/c for each section. And its already been designated I think I'm thinking too much about things that shouldn't be in my head at this point in time. Perhaps it'd be best to let things rest the way they are and handle what I can. Biting off more than I can chew, maybe. Sigh.

Have I gone crazy? I just posted up my GT-6B and my Fender up on classifieds. Sigh. Maybe it's time for things to change, be it for better or for worse. The Fender's only a maybe but I think the GT-6B is definitely up for grabs. No shit eh? Surprise surprise, even to me, that I'd do that. But it's all just a temporary thing perhaps. I think I'm seriously not thinking right now. Someone please tell me if I'm making a huge mistake in doing everything that I am now..

2009-02-13T16:49:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Jason Mraz - Make It Mine.

Hmm, nothing much to say except: "I've just about gone and done it!"

I need to sleep.

Duty with Charles was fun, we stayed up till 2.30am just talking about stuff in the platoon, on-goings of our lives, what we think about stuff that's been going on. I'm happy that I chose to work with him for this deployment once again. Intellectual and funny conversations that can help keep boredom away during work.

Got news that my buddy's downgrading his PES status. CHAOKENG! From no previous injury, suddenly see specialist, suddenly slipped disc, say not going to take status, now he's on one month status, going for medical board review in a month's time. WTF. Seriously pissed off because this isn't the first time such a stunt has been pulled and I'm just sick and tired of people thinking so much of themselves. Selfish bastards are creating more work for the rest of the platoon! And they are getting off scot-free, darn it. Fed up with all this bullshit that's been happening in camp.

There have been many changes too, since SD's OC changed. I guess it's inevitable that sometimes, you're the pigeon, and sometimes, you're the statue. It just seems that my platoon's always the statue, that's all. Frustrating as it is, we're stuck until ORD.

Okay, I'd better be off now, got to get some form of rest, due to a severe lack of it last night and none so far today.

2009-02-12T10:44:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jason Mraz - Butterfly.

Been stuck on this song for a little while lately. Very easy going and light on the ears. (:

Finally, I've gone and done it. Goodbye to the RSA Tomahawk and Uncle Wilson's Silver Bendy, which are in Darren's good hands now. Hope you enjoy it! And I went on ahead and bought the GS Voyager and a DIY quad-braid copper LOD. Bass overload anybody? Listening to Daft Punk on my iPod now feels like there's a subwoofer in my head, with the contour switch turned on. Heh. Absolutely thumping good stuff. Next up, a change in IEMs, if I can scrounge up the excess cash. Heck, I'm even running my Mac through the Voyager to my bass amp at home as my speaker system. Last time I did this was with my GV Petite, due to it's DAC, haha. Okay, enough with the audiophilia, not everybody gives a shit anyway, haha.

It's book-in day yet again, which is not a good thing at all in my books. Going in tonight for duty, coming out tomorrow, because I swapped duties with Clement. Thanks loads bro, for the swap, means a lot to me! However, this means I'm booking in on Sunday night and coming out on Wednesday night the next time around. Tiring.

I can't wait for tonight's duty to be over and done with. Hopefully I can leave camp early tomorrow to settle some stuff..

I've realized that many people I've been close with over the years are all long gone. Everybody's disappeared due to their own busy lives and it's hard to just find the time to catch a breather and settle down for a cup of joe with some old friends just to catch up. I sincerely hope that next time, I won't be like that, that work for me allows me time and space to catch up with friends and all. I can only hope I guess. I suppose it's not very realistic because of Singapore's working society and it's bounds where people are just slaves to the system, working every single day to bring back the bread for the family, and yet, that's all there is to adult life here it seems, unless you have a cushy job or some high-up managerial position which means more overseeing than manual labour. It doesn't seem like place that encourages settling down and having a family, enjoy watching your kids grow up and spending time with them. And no, the government still wonders about the country's low reproduction rate and our aging population. Not a big surprise is it? And as usual, the only bait they can dangle is monetary. Benefits for families with more kids, so on and so forth. It doesn't ease up on the workload of the parents and all either. So where does a healthy lifestyle come in where families get to enjoy proper bonding time and spend quality time together?

Alright, I figure you all think I'm just rambling already. I guess I do that often, don't I? One topic just leads on to another and it just goes on and on. Okay, I've to go start getting my stuff ready for camp. Airport, here I come! (yeah, right, as though I'm THAT enthusiastic.)

2009-02-07T01:21:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Firehouse - Love Of A Lifetime.

It's been a really good day. The best I've had in a long while. Fulfilling, plus fun too.

Lakers won Celtics today. I'm uber-happy at that, catching the second half with Tricia at her place. Think it was really good defence that pulled Lakers through. And with this win, our Lakers are top in the league again, pushing Celtics from first to third in the league. Heh. Lovely. And and and, Rocky was so manja and cute, haha. Makes me want to adopt a dog. HAHA.

Lunch was absolutely lovely, being meatballs, daim cake and chocolate mousse again. Time Crisis after that left me with cramps in my hands though, haha! I guess the good thing was I didn't spend my day bumming around. Deployment's resuming and I'm not feeling right up to it. Not with everything that's happening recently. I'm just rather tired of work as it is, as much as I love my job.

Left 4 Dead wasn't as spectacular is it could've been. Maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't keep playing it, because I kind of know I'm addicted to it. -sighs-

Hopefully more good days to come. Darren should get what I mean. Maybe. HAHA. And yes, this week, hopefully I can settle on a new LOD and amp for my iPod.

Okay, it's seriously getting late and this is just a random post. Just wanted something to remember this day by I suppose. Bon Soir!

2009-01-26T00:15:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: RHCP - Readymade.

Just a song John played on my fretless in camp that day. Not the hardest song ever but I haven't had practice much and I cramped quite easily practicing it just now. Zzz.

Life hasn't been the real bad lately. Late nights out playing L4D the past 2 nights with Shawn and the rest. Really enjoy the time out I guess. Went out with Val to look for stuff yesterday too and I guess she's a good listener. Thanks girl. (:

I can't help but worry about the stupid COC parade this coming Friday. I honestly do not look forward to playing at all. Actually, I don't even want to have a part to play in it. I find it's a recipe for disaster, considering it was only a week before that this was told to us, then only having 1 practice session which is extremely late too, plus the fact that we're bloody lacking equipment. Proper equipment, at that. Most of all, the thing that's pissing me off most is the inability to play the songs suggested. Postponing practice for that reason is not a good enough reason for me. The lack of equipment is pissing me off greatly too. I absolutely am against playing to any crowd anything less than a 65w bass amp. The last time I had such a scenario, it was a 30w amp at least, plus I only had to cover like <10-15m in front of me in a semi-circle, for the busking with Pearls Before Swine. I enjoyed that but equipment was such a bad problem then. This time, it's worse. I'm expected to play for a bigger crowd, with just a 15w amp. WTF.com absolutely man. I feel like telling him to just scrap the entire idea and not waste our time. I think I should. No drums means a bullshit time. And where the hell can he get an extra amp for the keys? NO FRICKEN SHIT.

I'm been quite moody at times lately. I still can't get past the fact why some people just keep lying. My platoon's had to face up to the fact that everything we've been told thus far in the battalion has been a lie. I'm going to make those fricken idiots pay whenever I can. Since they want to play hardball, so be it. But the lying part extends out further than just the army. Ah well.

I've come to realize that I dread having CNY come to an end soon. It's what comes after that, which I'm trying to avoid. But I can't seem to avoid it. No point in doing so I guess, coz sooner or later, I'll just have to face up to it. Face up to my fears and my emotions.

Okay, I'm feeling a little tired and I'm having a slight headache. Gonna go get a shot of vodka before heading to bed. Hopefully , every tomorrow will be a better day.

2009-01-11T11:38:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Rob Thomas - Little Wonders.

Another nice song received lately. The lyrics are quite nice. It's nice having a good mix of slower songs and some upbeat stuff on the iPod, going through your day.

Pardon me if this post seems random and if my thoughts seem to be jumping all over the place, which they are.

I've been thinking about some stuff lately. I haven't exactly been down for practice in awhile, I feel very out of touch and all. Maybe I'm just not truly cut out with planning stuff too but yeah, Thursday left me a great deal to ponder on. This year, with Raymond leaving us, I'd have to say that I'm quite regretful that I didn't manage to spend too much time in ED with him around due to NS. He's brought with him a wealth of knowledge and experience to us and he's shared it all so generously with us. I think ED has been truly blessed in some ways that we've had Arnold and Ray as our drummers thus far. I just hope that I'll manage to get the time to fit back into ED and all. Coming back to feeling out of touch or left out, I don't know if that's one of the reason our two younger ones aren't around too often and if that's what's holding them back from doing their job to the best of their abilities maybe. I just hope that this group which has managed to become a second family to me manages to stick things out together through thick and thin like we've always managed to thus far.

It hasn't been a pleasant last couple of months in some ways, but it has also been the time of my life in others. Reflecting a little on '08, I can't help but wonder if things could have worked out better somehow instead of me being where I am today. Would it have made me a better person? Would I still have kept my closer friends out of some aspects of my life too? Sometimes, I feel that some friendships I have are just a superficial bond. It's just being acquaintances, not truly knowing more about the person, not truly making the effort to know more about that person. I guess there's only so much we each can do to reach out to our friends, but I just can't help but feel that way. Friendships over the past couple of years that have degraded so much that I barely talk to these people at all anymore. Perhaps it's just due to circumstances, everybody having their own lives to lead and all, but honestly, I'd say that quite a few of these could have been avoided completely. Perhaps it's also because of our own individual maturity levels and also how we each deal with situations and problems in our lives too, driving people to slowly drift from each other. I don't know, I think I'm starting to babble a little here, haha. So yes, I think I haven't exactly lived a semi-charmed life the past year.

However, the last couple of months have also proved that perhaps, when you lose something that has very much become a part of your life, there's always something else that comes along and supports you when you're at your worst. Perhaps it's just that once you reach the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up. But in this case, maybe I'd choose to see it as God not letting you take on any load that you can't bear. He said He wouldn't let our burden get one ounce too heavy for us to bear. And thus, I shall take it as that. Someone once said this out to me too. And that person was one whom I respected. But as per above, the slow dissolving of friendships, degrading naturally, or unnaturally in this case perhaps. Choice could be one reason though. But when all is said and done, I'd still thank you for having been a part of my life. Amidst all the events in '08, I think I've managed to grow up a little and learn more about myself. I mean, isn't that part of life? Learning more about yourself and perhaps becoming a better person? I don't know if I have indeed become a better person after everything, though in all honesty, I doubt so, but I can say that I've matured some. I've learnt that I shouldn't take some people for granted and that the people closest in your heart can also be the ones to hurt you most. The past two years have shown me that much with my family and all. I've come to learn to be more thankful for my closest friends and all they've done for me through the years. You all know who you are, I hope.

All in all, I just pray that '09 will be a much better year than '08, for everyone. I won't say I hope that things will change for the better for sure, coz I think that's a given. However, I would want to say this. Everybody has their choices and that means you can choose your path in life. Everybody has that choice and the choice to do good or bad, but I think the most important thing is that you choose how you view your life. You can choose to see things in a positive light or a negative light. I've always been able to find a way to make things sound better when people talk to me about their problems and situations, consoling them and whatnot, but I've never been able to do the same for myself, never affording myself to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe this year, I'll make that change in myself and finally learn to see my life in a better light.

I don't know why I did this post, I truly don't. But I had a bad dream last night and maybe that caused me to reflect a little bit on the past and all that's happened. It doesn't stop the hurt and anger, but these emotions can be curbed and restrained. It isn't necessary to let such emotions and feelings get the better of you. I guess I should learn to try channeling such negativity into more productive means and using it to focus instead. Or at least much more so than I've been able to the past few months, without letting my mind stray and flare.

For those looking for my usual posts of my daily doings, I'm sorry for the lack of it, though I'm sure some people will deem this post as "emo". But trust me, it isn't. I just realized that I'm really lucky for what I have. And I also realized that I should treasure what I have more. Both the tangible and intangible.

Alright, I've got to get ready for book-in tonight. Training schedule this week sounds bad but I'm sure I'll survive. I always have.

Mimosa: Study hard okay! ((:

Udders: WHEN ARE WE MEETING NEXT! ((:

2009-01-10T00:36:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Buckcherry - I'm Sorry.

Caught Ip Man today, at last. Alone, but that's okay, except that the cinema was fricken cold and I damn near froze to death wearing a really thin shirt and berms without bringing my jacket. Such a smart idea indeed. But still, the movie was fabulous and I'm definitely catching it again, as well as getting the dvd when it comes out. Hehheh.

I've been very irritated with some people in camp. I'm okay with everybody on the whole, but it's the stupid things people do and how they can be so darn selfish that makes me want to beat the shit out of them the next time I see them. If HE gets AttC for CNY, I'm so going all out on him and make him pay for everything he's done thus far.

It's training phase once more, meaning a whole lot of drills, weapon tech, physical exercises and I hope, sleeping too. I just hope that there'll be enough rest time as well as free time to just sit around and slack, haha. Fat chance though, I know. I can't help it if I'd much rather hit the gym instead of following a set routine of PT and all. But gym sure as hell isn't going to help with SOC and that's the main priority for now. Same goes for Kor I hope. He'd better get it over and done with coz he's definitely capable of doing so.

There's ball in a couple of hours time and I'm still not sleeping yet. I'm only slightly tired, but I figure I should get as much rest as I can physically get, due to the fact that I'm still aching from the games we played in camp yesterday, considering the number of pushups we did. Lai ended up doing close to 300 pushups with Wee Kiat and I around, HAHAHA. NYP FTW! Trey after trey, haha. Just great games we play.

I'm stuck on the song which I got last night. Found it familiar because it's something I heard on the bus while on my way to duty. Must be one of the many days that the drivers, especially Rizzwan, who turn on the radio while driving. It's just so much fun to listen to the radio on the bus. But yeah, hopefully Rizzwan will still be around when we resume deployment. It's never going to be the same without his F1 minibus, HAHA. Asshole drives his 50km/h speed limit minibus like it belongs to a racetrack.

There's quite a fair bit more that I'd like to say but I'm just having difficulties penning them down or saying it out anymore. I figure that sometimes, it's just easier to hide away and close up to the world. With the exception of the Udders and a select few, it's hard to talk much anymore. I guess it's natural, after losing a close confidante. So perhaps I'm reverting back to listen more instead of speaking.

Alright, off to read up on the new copy of HardWareMag that came into my postbox today.

2009-01-04T16:04:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: RHCP - Warlocks.

Currently playing RHCP on my iPod so yeah, digging this for the time being.

Been thinking this past few days.. There's so much that I can be and perhaps should be thankful for in '08. It's just a matter of perspective I suppose..

Last night was crazy, RockBand II-ing from 10pm-4am in the morning and only reaching home at 7am, haha. But it was worth the companionship and fun.

Borrowed six books from the library after lunch just now, in hopes that I'll survive the next four boring days of duty. Hopefully I manage to make them last the four days.

Alright, just a short random post, nothing much of content here to read.

TO THE PERSON WHO GAVE ME MR SHARKY: -points at the person reading the screen- YOU! YES YOU! IF YOU'RE READING THIS NOW AT NIGHT WHILE ONLINE, I THINK YOU SHOULD BE MUGGING INSTEAD, YES?! HAHA. PLEASE DON'T GET SO DISTRACTED EASILY! STUDY HARD AND ADD OIL! (x

2009-01-02T11:42:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: The Fray - Trust Me.

I'm finally back from duty over NYE and NY. So it's '09 now, doesn't feel any much different. I wonder if it should..

I haven't gotten started on my new year resolutions yet. Up till now, I've only made ONE miserable resolution, haha. But then again, I guess that's a start. Nobody ever said it's a necessity to decide on everything at once right?

Duties over Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Year's Eve and New Year's was terrible, knowing the world's out there celebrating while I was stuck in a small room and stuck with either sleeping or patrolling. But I guess I shouldn't dwell on it coz it's all over now. Thanks to the wishes, messages and visits on these occasions, meant a lot to me! (:

It's a FRIDAY and there isn't any NBA match being shown on any sports channel! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!

I swear I hate Alpha Coy. Those self-righteous bastards. The infantrymen are assholes, taking our food like it belongs to them, without asking. The PS is a dick for trying to impose stupid rules on us such as no sleeping on duty, no handphone because his men don't get to carry it, stating that we're under the orders of the infantry coy, telling us that we have to inform him of all duty shift changes because they are responsible for troop movement, a infantry spec who is so dumb that he doesn't know IDOC monitors the lines and decides to comms the PS over the air, calling him by name and asking if he's booking out from APD the next morning or not. WHAT A BUNCH OF RETARDS. I was so darn close to screwing him over the comms about maintaining comms discipline but lucky for him, the PS told him NICELY that the lines were monitored. Inclusive of that, he also had to interrupt my conversation with the runner to send the charts to my terminal. Wow, he was so smart, telling me to "ask the troopers, they should have it with them", when I already told the runner that those buggers forgot to take it and had left it in the pantry. WOW man. Maybe he could have been a little faster, mentally. Also, I was just about ready to go catch the infantryman when he went out for his smoke break just because he didn't heed my warnings to remove the MS armband. Nice no? Imagine that, double-charged with smoking in uniform and also while on duty. I'd love to see the look on the faces of his PS, PC and OC. Not that I'm being a bastard but these assholes need to be put in place. Just because a select few of them have chevrons on their arms entitling them to the rank of SERGEANT doesn't mean that they can throw their weight around and boss my platoon around. By virtue of vocation, we'd still own their asses any time, any day. Just quite sick and tired of the whole rank issue in the army.

Internal problems in the platoon again. This time, with the new specs. There's just this one fricken retard who actually doesn't have the balls to do anything. And he squeals on his men too. Wow, so much for integrity and building up a cohesive bond as a platoon. Okay, granted he's not MY spec, coz they're all going to be in charge of the new bunch of men this end-Feb, but still, the stuff he has done is unpardonable by any means. If anything happens today and I get a phone call, I swear I'll call him to tell him that I'm on my way back to camp to physically deconstruct his face and rearrange it as I see fit. So far, Dexun and Lai have already threatened to punch his face in because of his antics. Third time's the charm. No more mr nice guy once that happens.

Alright, so I'm out on a Friday. Eagerly waiting for basketball tomorrow and dinner tonight I suppose. Just quite tired of camp and politics for now. A reprieve from all of it is very much needed. I think that the past 4 days, I've been a walking bomb, waiting to be detonated from the slightest irritation from anybody in line with my duties. Probably from the fact that I've been linked up to working with idiots this 10 days. Another 4 more days of duty with Alpha coy before taking a hiatus from deployment for IPPT/SOC again. Another 4 days of possibly losing my temper at any dumb infantryman or infantry spec who's too dumb for their own good. Hopefully, it doesn't happen. I feel like playing around with the PS and men, if it boils down to that. See what happens. And revenge will definitely be sweet when we pull out of deployment, if all goes as planned. My platoon has taken too much shit from everybody else for no good reason and it's time to play some games with those who think they're above us.

Surprisingly, mom's on leave today. I wonder why. Probably just to clear her leave from last year.

Seriously, the whole fiasca with the Flyer stopping was a little irritating because I was planning on taking a ride on it soon. Darn it. OH WELL. More time off it for them to get things fixed and hopefully, I'll be able to get my camera by then.

Alright, I'm tired, gonna go catch some 40 winks or so before dinner tonight with Matty and Dareios. Prob see who else can make it too. BALL TOMORROW TOO!

2008-12-23T13:48:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Alter Bridge - Metalingus.

Been a little hooked on this track. I know, it's Edge's theme song for WWE but that's not the point. I think Mark Tremonti is a really good music writer. Think I'm just a little hooked on Alter Bridge and Creed. Haha. Incubus too, of course.

I feel a little depressed now, seeing as to how I'm supposed to be in camp in two hours' time. Duty over Christmas sucks balls, then add on the fact that NYE is spent on duty too. I shall try lying to myself that Christmas and NYE are not on those particular days. Darn it, haha. Maybe something good will come out of it after everything. But I'm still quite skeptical, haha.

Ball yesterday was a good workout and fun, but it kind of lacked the challenge coz Big Ben wasn't around to play inside with me. So I played outside instead and I realized that I'm seriously having problems with shooting the ball consistently now. I should get back into the habit of consistency and not be complacent I suppose.

Ikea after ball was really good! Think I was on a sugar high or something, as Tricia said. Ate a lot at the cafe and shopped around the place with Tricia and Val. Headed down to church for caroling after that but I guess it further proves that I should perhaps take a period of time away from them. It serves me no purpose going down without the feeling of Christmas and putting on a fake mask of joy and smiles I guess. But then again, there are the few people who can make me smile and talk, just that sometimes, I still don't feel like talking too much.

Yesterday, Tricia said something. "Ironically, church is where you experience the worst politics." Somewhere along those lines. I replied something which I think I truly believe in. "It's because there's an expectation to be nice and friendly such that even if you dislike someone, you try to act nice and all to that person because it's somehow expected?" I don't know, it's a little hypocritical but I guess that's just human nature. I just feel a little too tired to think about stuff like that happening in church but I guess everybody's guilty of it, to some extent. Human nature. The ugly side of us that we try to disguise and lie to ourselves about perhaps. Ah well, no more psychological issues and psychobabble here.

Thanks for the talk on the bus Eugene. Appreciated it a lot and I hope you enjoy the festive season bro.

I have to say, I'm drifting away from church. Duty and all doesn't give me the flexibility and choice of attending weekday masses alone anymore and I guess that's one of the worst things because that was when I could really just spend some quiet time and reflect. It isn't easy anymore. Not with everything that has happened ever since enlisting last year. Time has passed so quickly, such that I'll be out in less than a year. I honestly cannot wait for that break and holiday with Matty, Darren, Addison and maybe one or two others. I am seriously in need of a break right now but it's just not possible. I can't even enjoy the holidays with my family, much less my close friends. I can only wait for this Saturday when we'll all be gathered for an overnight time. In short, I'm just really drained and tired out from a whole myriad of things. There's so much I want to do but I'm unable to. So much I've been unable to do over the past year and a half. I've fallen short on my goals, on what I should have done, should have been. Talking to Sherwin on Saturday over lunch reminded me that at least I still have my next three years of plans to accomplish to my ideals.

Another topic across yesterday's lunch was sleep. Val said something about the lack of sleep bringing about depression and mood swings. I guess perhaps that nails it. And also, lack of sleep affects us more than we'd know and expect it to. But it's hard to accomplish that goal with how Singapore's society is. Amidst the hustle and bustle, who has the time to waste on sleeping? Maybe I should change my thoughts on that. I'll try to get at least 8 hours of sleep each day from here on, whenever possible. Perhaps it'll lead me to be happier and get rid of the mood swings. I hope it does.

Sometimes, when you hit the lowest you've gone in a long time, you start to wonder, how could it possibly get any worse? I guess the point would be to remain optimistic, as hard as that might be. I really hate that I can tell people all these and get them to try to be happier than they are but I can't do the same to myself. Is it really such a problem for me? Am I such a failure emotionally and psychologically? I hope not but it appears so. Maybe living simply would be the best.

I'm determined to go get my bike license after ORD and also to work and save up for a bike. Makes me wonder.

Alright, I shan't keep this post going longer than it already has. Probably another post after I'm back from Christmas duties on Saturday, but then again, perhaps not because I'll definitely attend basketball in the morning, meaning cabbing with someone and also, Saturday is stayover night. Probably bring my mac down to Addi's place then. Heh. Alright, I'm outta here!

Lyrics!

Incubus - Dig.

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easy to identify.
Look me in the eye
And ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes you are my friend.
We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how we try.
We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
Oh each other....
When everything
Else is gone.

2008-12-22T08:57:00.003+08:00

Trackspin: Incubus - Leech.

As anybody should know by now, I'm currently rather hooked onto Incubus again. Pre-2004 and post-2004 sound so different thanks to Alex Katunich and Ben Kenney. But it still rocks man, haha.

Anyway, been toying with the idea of a Streamer LX 4. I think maybe it's just wanting to get a P-J pickup configuration with an active circuit. But then again, A Spector would do good too, especially in ultra amber. HAHA. Only thing stopping me from thinking too much about it is that
1) I've gotten too used to fivers.
2) I still want my Streamer Stage II 5 fretted AND fretless.
3) HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICES OF THE ABOVE?!
HAHA. This is fricken random but yes, I've been having too much time on my hands. But still, DSLR is first and foremost for the trip. Makes me wonder how long I'd take to save up. :| Probably too darn long would be an accurate answer.

Past few days haven't been too wonderful, considering I've been having a blasted headache/migraine for say, 4 days already? Either I'm seriously getting bumped around more than I should be or it's all just taking it's toll on me. More after this though, haha.

I've hit the point of no return. Maybe it'd be accurate to say I'm stuck in limbo at the moment. Maybe you know, maybe not. But you're smart, you'll figure things out somehow, I believe. (: When that happens, maybe I'll just disappear into the night and stop my antics and grow up yet a little bit more. I hope that would not be my first choice of actions though.

Okay, no more cryptic posts! I'm off to wash up and head for ball! STAY HAPPY ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE. Just like how I'm going to be happy today. :D

Udders: Here's a Merry Christmas to all you much-loved friends because I won't be home for Christmas. Have a great bunch of parties and the same goes for NYE! (: Meet up soon please, in Jan, probably!

2008-12-15T13:01:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Incubus - Favorite Things.

I've got questions in my head once more..

"Why do I keep giving you that one last chance when I know mine won't ever arrive?"
"Who's lying to whom?"

I can't tell the truth from the lies anymore, it's all a blurred image to me, just like this morning, when I realized I had difficulty focusing my vision, probably from the lack of sleep due to too many things on my mind.

Since I'm bored, I shall just type out some obscure stuff that I'm thinking up on the spot now. Random, but I'll try to make it work out somehow.

Talk about you, talk about me.
Talk about everything we used to be.
Talk about you, talk about me.
Talk about how we both long to be free.
Talk about you, talk about me.
Talk about things that were never meant to be.
So tell me more about what happened to our dates,
All those memories you helped create.
Pushed aside, forgotten, maybe for good.
I doubt I can ever, doubt that I could.
Even after going through your lies,
I still lay in bed listening to your cries.
Perhaps it's time I give this all a miss,
And offer you my sincerest regards, wishes and bliss.
I feel it's time I gave this a rest,
Because it'd probably be for the best.

With that chapter closed, a new one has begun.
Hoping it'll be different, starting all over from one.
Uncertainties, fears, chuck them all behind,
Child, they shouldn't stay on in your mind.
It's harmful, contagious, drags you down,
Where's the guy your friends used to call a clown?
Admit it, things have changed, that's reality.
But your life isn't over, it's just starting, barely.
And this goes out to the friends who've been there all the way,
I promise you all that somehow, someway, I'll be okay.
Always have been, always will be.
Just my fault for having a life that's just a little too crazy.

Alright, that was ultimately random. But yes, all thought up on the spur of the moment, line after line. Just stupid blabberings again. Heh. What's new eh? Anyway, Matty and Dareios have returned since last week and we managed to catch up with Carol too, before I booked in last Thursday. Another one soon!

So I skipped physio class today. That's a really bad thing I suppose, but I couldn't make it in time, choosing instead to do up that stupid stuff above. I'll make up for it somehow though. January's going to be a little stressful, with SOC and IPPT again. I wonder if there's going to be CS1 because honestly, I'm afraid for my life right now. After WeeKiat, Alvin, Vik and I started on the whole section movement/leaps and bounds firing sequence for CS1, I'm extremely afraid for the lives of my platoon mates. Especially Clement's and my life. NO FRICKEN SHIT. WeeKiat's in danger too, HAHAHA.

Hopefully tomorrow's weather is going to be bright and sunny. Time to bust out the new shoes for ball tomorrow! Can't wait! OH! And I would like to mention that I should just get stuff I want on the spot next time. I hesitated on getting the Spurs jersey previously and when I went back to get it, it was GONE. Utterly depressed. However, the Spurs jersey was secondary to the main point there though. Managed to get the main objective covered and I shall not let the discontentment get to me. Saved money after all I suppose. Except that I blew it on the shoes instead, HAHA. But hey, I'm happy and that's what matters for now I suppose. After a few bad experiences the past couple years, I've come to my personal opinion that Adidas basketball footwear > Nike basketball footwear. And somebody will definitely be happy about me thinking that way too perhaps, and I utterly agree with WeeKiat that Nike footwear just doesn't manage to last long enough. Kenneth too, has indicated that Adidas tends to last longer. I guess that settled the deal for me, and instead of hunting down the AZK3's, I wound up with the new TS Commanders. Heh. Nice.

Alrighty, think I'll end this absurdly long entry for now. No point dragging on and on when nobody is reading or bothers, heh.

2008-12-07T10:25:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Blessid Union Of Souls - Forever For Tonight.

Love the song currently playing on iTunes. It's been awhile since I've listened to it.

Was just scrolling through my old EJ and read through the PMs. Realized that I've lost contact with quite a number of people. It's rather saddening to have to acknowledge that although I do know that they're still around, these "friends" have somehow just become "acquaintances" and to me, that says a whole lot. Somewhere, somehow, along the way, both parties didn't really manage to make the effort to keep in contact or at least even drop messages to try to ask how the other's doing. I guess sometimes it's inevitable to lose friends like that, due to the hustle and bustle of life in Singapore. We're all so caught up with our lives that we neglect our friends and family. If only we could turn back time and stop all of that from happening..

Went home with Gerard last night and finally realized that he stays just 2 bus stops away from me, at the exit of S'goon Gardens/the entrance of North Ave 1. Cool stuff man. Might be heading for duty straight on Monday because it's night shift. Will probably head down with him if I do decide to bypass the original route.

I'm still contemplating on which DSLR. -sighs- It's irritating when the stuff you're looking for on the forums and intend to buy has already been bought.

It's seriously time for me to get a new pair of ball shoes. Still not decided on Nike or Adidas. Possibly leaning towards Adidas but I'm not sure if I want to get the older pair of Duncan TS or the newer TS Commander or TS Creator. Well, I've got time I guess. I might not be able to play much in December still. Bollocks.

Sometimes, the words just get caught up and you can't say it out loud. Do actions speak louder than words? Sometimes, I hope they do, and yet, sometimes, I'm afraid of the consequences and implications of what could happen.

I guess maybe John said something that hit me. "Slow and steady wins the race". But then again, that was for loading of our mags, where time was not at a premium if we were under activation. Haha. I suppose I'm doing duty with DX for next month. I shall leave Adam with KS. I don't feel like doing with either of them, though I'm supposedly one of the rare few people who can be paired up with anybody from the platoon. Maybe it's just I'd rather enjoy myself considering it's 4/2 for this month. It's going to be one hell of a tiring month and I'm missing Christmas. Darn it. At least I get to attend Darwin All-Stars next week. -grins-

2008-11-29T13:50:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jason Wade - You Belong To Me.

Many thanks to the person who sent me this song. Really love it. (:

Hmm, ball today was fun but disappointing somehow. West was closed for some stuff or other and yeah, that was just the start. I guess I should find ways to be more easily contented with all that happens. But it's hard for me in ways. I suppose I could sort of MAKE myself feel better but what's the point in that if I really don't feel happy about some things, no?

Was really glad to see the lil'sis after so long. It's been years, really. And seeing her around was definitely one of the few bright sparks today, including actually waking up. The day started off well with waking up to seeing her message saying she'd be down. Sometimes, it just takes a simple act to put a smile on the face of others. I guess I just miss hanging out with her.

I didn't get to play much today either, though the few matches I played were pretty fun. Quality more than quantity? But quantity counts too for me when it comes to this I guess. Perhaps it was just wanting to have a nice long session today to get rid of all the negativity I've been feeling since 2-3 days ago. I haven't truly been myself in awhile. How much have I changed over the past couple of months..? Was what I was like simply the result of being happy and the way I am now just a result of closing up and pushing everything away? I honestly don't know. I wish someone could just tell me the answers to my questions.

I don't know what I"m going to do for the rest of the day, nor do I know what's up for me tomorrow. I suppose I'll just be slacking my day away somehow, somewhere, maybe just in church. Seems as good a place as any for now.

I miss the few people I really feel at home with when I'm out with them. Especially Bryandt. It's been ages since I've seen him but I guess he's busy and all, especially with OVL and Yumi taking up his time too. The other people I suppose, should know who they are. Exclusive gathering, Udders-nonewithstanding. Perhaps another night out soon or something. You're all being missed very much despite the lousy shit duties I have to put up with for the nation. Thanks for always being around and hopefully, everybody hasn't been too down and out unlike me, though we all have our problems in life. Meet up soon!

It's amazing how songs can say a whole lot. I guess I shall see when the heck I can ever pick up playing guitar and keys as well if I can. Saxophone also seems like a pretty realistic thing for now. But we'll just have to see how things go for my future. Hopefully my plans go accordingly and maybe, just MAYBE, I'll be out of the country somehow for studies for the degree instead. I'd very much love to be in London or Aussie for the degree, rather than do it locally. But resources are pretty tight I suppose. Time will tell.

I'm still stuck on whether to get the camera this month with my paycheck. Any ideas?

2008-11-29T01:34:00.004+08:00

Trackspin: The Fray - Look After You.

I'm really tired now, have been this way for the past 2 nights. Seems like today isn't going to be any different. Just waiting and waiting for nothing. So much for saying you'd call back once you got home. Hope you had fun out with your friends.

Oh well, more to normal stuff. Matty's off to Aussie today already, after my duty ended. Hopefully she really enjoys herself there considering it's gonna be awhile till her next holiday perhaps.

I'm still contemplating which DSLR. I also need more insight on lenses. Darn it.

Sometimes, it feels so good to be able to have some alone-time when you feel like screaming at the world. Or rather, when you feel like beating up on a particular person's face. Or more, perhaps.

I told Ben I'd teach him how to play better in some ways for ball. I intend to keep my word on that and make sure he's not so easily bullied inside if possible. Hopefully things work out well. Hopefully he'll become another one like Yin Hai. HAHAHA. Tall and able to shoot, with an inside game too, instead of being afraid of going in.

2008-11-21T14:44:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Jaco Pastorius - Chicken.

I'm back from duties, tired as shit from all the nothing I've been doing. Seriously, I hate airport duty. It's not even funny that it's so immensely boring and now the fricken force comds and runners are doing hourly comm checks. I got so irritated at not being able to sleep in peace that I actually fucked the runner over the air on the comms during his comm check. CX was also damn funny, yesterday. Syed was asking if the other runner was the one who kept comms-ing during the night and CX simply replied "No la! It's the fat one!" and the runner, Patrick, was sitting just 4 seats away from him. HAHAHA. The snipers and MPs just decided to walk out and get a smoke while waiting for the bus after CX made that comment and realised that fatboy was there with us too, haha. NICE ONE.

Concamp was such an event this year that I honestly felt that it was hard to go back to work the day after. I still miss it.

There's news that the Westone3s are due on the way soon. Time for a change of my rig soon. Hehe. Hornet instead of Tomahawk perhaps? Or a Voyager as I initially planned? I'm so lost now on what to sell/trade for. And apparently my UEs are in the hands of ****** now. OH MY ******* GOSH. This was not supposed to happen. But somehow it did. Darn.

I'll be gone now, gonna meet Dareios soon at Jabens. Time to experiment more stuff. And I'm not in the best of moods due to bringing up some bad memories. You're just the ghost in my mind that I can't leave behind.

2008-11-16T22:58:00.000+08:00

Trackspin: Weezer - Perfect Situation.

Just got back from camp earlier. Fricken shagged out because I only had a grand total of 7 hours of sleep for the past 4 days. Haven't had such a bad case of insomnia and sleeplessness lately. But nevertheless, camp was such a highlight for me this year. I guess I went into camp worrying too much about how things would turn out, with the minor issues we had. But things turned out well and we had a whole lot of funny moments in camp, especially when Eugene, Boomy and myself started shifting equipment into IJ on the first day of camp and we started our nonsense. Amazingly, we kept up the nonsense for the whole of camp and right now, I'm never seeing that place the same way ever again, haha.

Shalom was fun though the participants looked a little bored. Maybe it was due to the letters from parents and all, noticed a few red or puffy eyes in the crowd, haha. P&W after Shalom was the greatest we had in awhile. The kids were really enthusiastic and were so responsive from the get-go! Was really amazed by them through camp, the energy they brought with them to camp. I guess it was truly a memorable confirmation camp for me, though it wasn't my own, haha. Possibly the best for me thus far, that I've had the pleasure to be part of the camp, to play and to help bring them closer through P&W. I honestly believe that God was with ED through it all though, through our sessions, working in us. I don't know, this year's camp just kind of hit me in the face somewhat. And I miss it already.

There were distractions for me through camp though. Started from before camp, I don't know when and where it'll end. But I hope I'll stick by the decisions I've made. Enough is enough perhaps. I'll still be here if you need me, when you do need me. (:

Alright, time to hit the sack!

2008-11-09T23:20:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Augustana - Meet You There.

I'm tired. A day out that was fun but a little draining. Managed to catch Lakeview Terrace and I'd say it was a pretty good show, personal opinion though. Samuel L. Jackson yet again. The show's pretty interesting and I think it was worth the cash on the weekend haha.

Just got news that I've to be back tomorrow morning instead of evening. WTF.com man. ARGH.

Shopping today yielded 2 cds, 2 games and 1 vcd. Happy! Hopefully the games can run on my mac la. Zzz..

Okay, this post has to be cut short because I need to get to sleep for tomorrow morning's book-in timing.

2008-11-02T01:09:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: John Mayer - Slow Dancing In A Burning Room.

Thanks to Matty for the new John Mayer cd, which she finally managed to find and let me rip. =)

Hmm, today was a pretty good day until night came. Shan't disclose details. All I know is that I'm thankful for Xavier being around. Sarah too, to some extent.

I've shortlisted 3 basses to add to my roster before I stop buying any more basses.
- Lakland 55-94 Standard.
- Warwick Streamer Stage II.
- Rob Allen MB2-5/Mouse30/Deep5.

These roster would essentially leave me a happy man bass-wise. And I'm still on the look-out for my own amping. Time to look harder perhaps, as well as slowly save up.

I'm rather tired and I've a long day ahead but I can't seem to get much sleep despite the headache. I've been running a fever since I booked out. Not good at all.

Wedding tomorrow, hopefully I last the entire long day. Monday's physio as well as night-book-in I think. I can't wait for November to arrive.

My Oakleys are finally bloody arriving, so says the guy. 3 weeks time. But he has always been saying a month or less more. Since my birthday, when I ordered the darn frames. WRAWH. He'd better have it ready this time. I want my frames la, damn it. Birthday present to myself winding up as a Christmas present to myself maybe. Darn it.

The new dawn is breaking,
Can you hear the words my heart is saying?
I never thought that perhaps my life would wind up this way,
I just need you to tell me, reassure me, that you'll stay.

2008-10-27T13:36:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Augustana - Boston.

Thanks to someone, I've a current new bunch of songs to listen to and a new current "fave" of sorts, haha. Thank you very much.

It's been a bad morning thus far, with a very bad headache and I'm not feeling all that great today, surprisingly enough.

Back to camp tomorrow for training. Hopefully it's nothing too strenuous for the platoon. I don' know if I'll be able to get along with the program with how bad I'm feeling today though.

And I shall leave you all with this below.

A poem nominated by the UN as the best poem of 2006, written by an African kid.

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow

When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray

And you calling me colored?

2008-10-25T23:36:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Waking Ashland - Hands On Deck.

Very nice slow song from a nice band.

Ball today was really good. Was a great day because it didn't rain at all despite the downpours lately. Only thing is now my left wrist hurts quite a fair bit. Don't know if I overstrained it or something. But even with the injury, I still feel extremely contented with how basketball went for today. There was just this one match that was really good for me I guess. And a whole lot of shit came out as a result of that, haha. Simply dumbfounded after it was over.

Dinner wasn't too bad, just a tad on the expensive side, considering I've to be more careful with my spending for this month now. Can't wait until payday! Had dessert at Clarity's again and we had mud oooz, haha. Great stuff as usual.

And now, I'm like at home, waiting for a 3-way conference conversation. So much to catch up with! HAHA.

2008-10-24T00:49:00.005+08:00

Trackspin: Tristan Prettyman - Shy That Way.

This is the other song that I've been kind of hooked to. Nice acoustic playing.

Managed to borrow camera from Gilbert, so tomorrow, snap day goes on as planned! Muahaha.. Just gotta get a bigger memory card only. But gotta try to fix my shoes in the morning first before going to get the memory card and commencing the day as planned. -sighs- On the brightside, tomorrow/later will be a good day I think. Just snapping away and dinner out with a friend before heading to church if I've the time.

I feel like something's still missing in my life. And I think I'm trying to figure out what that is. Maybe I already know, just that I can't face up to it. But I pray that things will fall into place in my life.

Ever feel like something just isn't going right in your life? Like everything else is going on fine, just that one single aspect isn't right and it's bothering you a great deal and somehow, you can't seem to get the problem out of your mind. Something's just bugging me lately. And I hope it stops.

Honestly speaking, I think I've been wasting my holidays away. It's an entire 2 weeks of leave straight and I've yet to accomplish anything at all. Well, tomorrow will be the first, with snap day. Haven't managed to completely clean up my room though. Shall try to do so with the other few free days of my last 2 weeks, asides from my training schedule in camp.

Oh oh oh! And I found out the prices for the customs already! Now all that's left to do is to get it in Dec or Jan. Hehe. And I've kind of thought of what I need to get. So I can only hope that I stick to this short list. Audere for Nez, my customs, a good camera, maybe my oakleys and bag. Haha, right. Knowing me, that's quite impossible.

I can't wait for basketball this Saturday!

Quote of the week for me, something somebody said to me: "if you dont dream big, whats the use of dreaming. if you dont have faith, theres nothing worth believing haha!"

2008-10-20T16:53:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: FM Static - Tonight.

Back to this song. It's the feel-good song for now.. There's another song too, but that's another post, for another time.

I'm feeling rather tired out. I think I need to get more out of life than just going through the motions of my day. I want to just spend a day out with somebody, just going around, taking pictures of scenery, places, taking long bus rides. And apparently, I'm only left with like a few days to do just that. Which isn't good. Think I should accomplish some stuff before I resume my duties.

I hope there's basketball this Saturday. Really want to start playing again and though it's only been a little more than a week, I feel like I'm not getting any exercise at all. -sigh-

It's monsoon season, leading it to being a bad time for running I guess. Haven't been having clear skies for me to do some running, though I must admit I'm a little lazy too. Probably because of my knee and ankle. Haven't been feeling too right since last week's basketball but nothing that'll kill me though. On the bright side, I'm running with Eugene and Bryan later around TP. Hopefully weather stays clear later.

AYD went just fine, with the exception that my throat is officially half-gone. Singing while playing bass isn't something I've done prior to this and although it was a good experience, I'd much rather fill the bass in better, rather than having to focus on singing while playing slightly simpler lines. But then again, sometimes less is more. Just depends I suppose.

Alright, time for me to get going, it's time to break out the new shoes and start running. Heh.

2008-10-18T01:34:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Daft Punk - Around The World.

Still stuck on Daft Punk..

It's been a pretty okay day I suppose. Went out bowling with most of the platoon. Didn't get to finish off 2 games at all. Second game got stalled at the second frame because of "unforseen" stupid circumstances. Irritated was the least I could be, especially since my first game is usually only the warm-up, especially after not playing for so long. Zzz..

Went for mass with Tricia and Val after that. Made it down to City Hall just in the nick of time, rushing from Tampines. Well, lucky me then. Mass was a different affair from usual, though it was a good kind of different. I think maybe I'll just go around to different churches for mass at times, just to see what it's like at different churches. Hmm..

The Bucket List was played at session, was a really good show. Found it touching, to some extent. But most of all, I guess it got me started thinking on some issues too. Interesting to say the least.

Tomorrow's AYD already. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, not with how my throat is, especially after all that's happened. I don't know, I'm just not confident I'll manage to pull off whatever I'm supposed to, and I feel bad about Cedric. Darn.

I guess all it took was a few words of encouragement to make me smile and try to put things into perspective.. Thanks..

2008-10-15T23:57:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.

I'm currently hooked onto Daft Punk because of Charles. Too much of an influence from him due to this song, haha. Daft Hands was the bomb, bro! Hooked onto it, so much so that I went to buy two albums today. Sheesh, I think I'm just wasting money.. But then again, it's not everyday that I do this so I guess it isn't too bad.

Just realised that I won't be able to get the Audere for Nez this month, maybe not even before Concamp because of how tied-up my finances are this month. Most of my pay will be spent on just catching up with friends over meals and all, plus I bought my running shoes already. Not to mention I'm officially clearing leave now, I'll have to settle meals myself outside and all everyday so I guess that means the paycheck will disappear faster, naturally. I'm rather sad that I won't be able to get Nez equipped with the Audere though. I seriously think she could do better with it. Wrawwh!

Managed to finally catch Mamma Mia! It's darn good and I'm happy that I managed to finally catch it! Think the whole storyline was interesting and the songs were done really well. Achieved one of my leave-clearing goals already by watching it, haha.

Think I'd better head to sleep soon, it's getting late and I'm still contemplating running tomorrow morning or afternoon. -sighs-

2008-10-12T00:18:00.002+08:00

Trackspin: Ingrid Michaelson - The Way I Am.

Nice song. Just a fair bit jazzy and the bassline has a bit of an off-time beat to it.

I just received my Shure E4Cs today. In love with it for the time being. The frequency range is rather impressive as compared to my Super.Fi 3 Studios. The Shures are just slightly lacking bass when compared to my older UEs though. Sounds great with the Tomahawk but still doesn't give that "oomph" I've come to love and expect from the TF10P and SF5EB haha. But still. It'll be my mainstay for the time being I guess. Only thing left will be to save for customs. Hehe. Oh, and I didn't come out with any cash for the Shures at all. Traded away my MS1, haha, which makes me all the happier, because I wasn't using often enough to justify getting another set of cans or something.

It's been quite a good day so far, with the exception of waking up slightly late and being really tired and stoned today. Also got scratched by Ben during ball, and my right knee feels weak and I also managed to tweak my ankle rather badly that I couldn't support my weight on my right leg. Managed to play on and felt something shift again in my ankle then slowly let it shift back to normal. Still feels a little weak though.

Matty, Darren and I managed to get our running shoes at last. Went to buy together before we headed for dinner just now. Quite dumb though, because I managed to get a paper-cut from a cardboard shoebox. Like WHAT THE HELL. Couldn't find the Supernova in my size though. Bought the AdiZero Breeze instead, while Matty and Darren bought the Supernova. Also, couldn't find a decent pair of ball shoes in my size. Shall head to Queensway soon to look for that I suppose.

Alright, mass tomorrow as well as booking in for my last two duties before my platoon stands down for a month of R&R as well as training. I think I should head to sleep now. I'm getting tired and I don't want to end up like this morning, haha.